Dear Upa,
Yesterday while I was feeding the dogs, I had to open a packet of milk. It was this obscure, over-priced brand because the regular aukaad-wala brand wasn’t in stock, and I was in a hurry/too lazy/melting in the 40 degree heat and bought it anyway. I had to open this packet of milk but I didn’t have a scissor, so I did the normal thing and pierced it with my earring. I know, genius. Except not so genius, because I lost my earring and spilt the over-priced branded milk all over my hands and the ground. Chotu was not very happy about that.
But I still had fun. Technically this is my study leave, and I have long been done with my campus care duties, but I like feeding the dogs. It’s time consuming because we have 10 campus dogs but it’s also therapeutic because it’s something I know I love doing, which is rare.
I wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life, that would make it so much easier. I mean, I do know a few things. I know that I want to be successful. I know that I would like to do something that matters. I know that I don’t want to be poor, because I’d like to travel when I earn my own money.
I think travelling is a much better use of money than most material things, but my parents don’t always agree with me, so that kinda sucks. But I mean, it’s their hard-earned money, so I better deal with it. When I earn money, I’d like to travel.
I know some things, but I honestly have no idea how to get there. I hope I figure it out. I was watching the Burn The Stage episodes I hadn’t watched, and every single episode made me tear up. Like wow, I love them. I love how real they are. When they were talking about their fears, I was reminded of something I realised today. I’m really struggling with planning out my vacation. I’m only in my first year, and I should be chilling like some of my friends. But then there are some of my other friends who are absolutely killing it, and I know I can’t just sit back and waste my time when someone’s making some use of theirs.
But then, I worry I’m not having enough fun like other people my age. Unlike most people, I’m having a really hard time sorting out my priorities. My urge to work harder and achieve more has only grown after coming to college, but then I also want to have fun and make memories with friends. And so I don’t know what I should do, because I feel like either way, I’ll end up discontent.
Even right now, I’m so happy. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy. I mean, I was probably really happy in AVM, but I wouldn’t want to go back to that because I was a completely different person back then. But still, I can’t help but think “what if”. What if I’d picked a different field of study, or a different college, or a different city.
But I stop myself from dwelling too much on that. I’m here, and I’ve got to figure this out. As Mankiw said in our microeconomics reading- there’s no point crying over spilt milk.
Bye for now,
Aditi.
PS- I’m guessing you’re really busy so I’m not going to keep pressuring you to post. I’m also not going to stop myself from posting when I want to write. Please post when you feel like it!
