How to NOT write a book about yourself

Dear Aditi,

My whole life I have related myself to fictional characters. Well, almost all my life. And that got me thinking that if I was the protagonist of a book based on my life it would be such a shitty book. I mean apart from me not being strong, like mentally and all and my conscience not being the purest one what there.

As a protagonist, I have been told that you must always do what is right. But as an individual I don't always do what's right. Like cutting off ties with people, I surprisingly do that a lot. And like stealing your neighbours newspaper. Also guilty of that. And being so self involved that you don't realise all the possibility of things that could be happening around you. Wait, that's basically the entire Harry Potter series but to be fair that kid did have a lot going on in his life so we should cut him some slack. There also comes that part where no one wants to read about some mundane person's mundane life. People like the spicy stuff, and I'm not spicy. On a range from bland to spicy I would be like a Bell Pepper. So not completely bland but like no one in their right mind eats only Bell Pepper.

What I've come to realise that if my life were a book it would be the most boring book in existence, not because I know this book front to back and this has now lost it's excitment but because my life as a book would be a plateau. It's the same thing over and over again.

Day 1
Upasana woke up. Upasana stayed in bed for an hour after waking up because Upasana didn't want to study.

Day 2
Upasana woke up. Upasana stayed in bed to browse twitter instead of studying. Upasana didn't want to study.

Day 3
Upasana woke up. Upasana went back to sleep.

Day 15
Upasana woke up. Upasana wanted to stay in bed for an hour longer. So she did.

Day 169
Upasana woke up. Upasana wonders why did she even bother.

Day ???
Upasana didn't wake up.

How Not To Be Tired

10 February 2017, 9:04 PM

Dear Upa,

               I'm tired. I'm not sure of what, but I am. I'm not really complaining. I'm mostly just stating a fact. 

I'm really tired. 

Bye for now,

Aditi

13 Feburuary 2017, 5:51 AM

Dear Upa,

                 A few days ago, I was tired.

Mentally, physically, emotionally- tired in every way I could think of, and it doesn't even make any sense. It was weird but I couldn’t seem to shake it off, I was barely even getting any work done. I even wrote a blogpost consisting of 5 sentences that I never ended up posting, I don’t really know why. I think, looking back, what I was truly tired of was myself.

But yesterday BTS had their comeback. I don’t know how to express in words what their music makes me feel, and I’m glad, because sometimes words diminish the feelings they contain. They said exactly the things I needed to hear, and just like that, I’m not tired anymore. A few people would probably call me crazy and maybe I am. Sometimes even I don’t believe I’m actually aiming for what I’m aiming for. I’ll probably never get there. I know the chances of it not happening are higher. But honestly, I’m tired of being tired.

It’s okay if I don’t get there if I know I’ve done my best. I refuse to be tired.

A day may come when we lose, but it’s not today.

Today, we fight.

Bye for now,

Aditi.

how to be adult

dear aditi, 

i turned 18 last week

that was pretty dope and by that i mean my birthday itself was fun. its a day to celebrate my existence how can i not have fun my ego got a boost which is nice. 

now to the actual turning into an adult part its the same, i mean i havent gained any magical powers and got any wisdom and im still immature af where i laugh anytime someone says D 

the only thing adult about me is my worrying alcoholism, which if im being honest its not like i drink that much or that i do it in a harmful way its just that im so calm drinking like where is that phase where i go like oh my god alcohol and start acting drunk after a sip and doing shit i will evidently regret l8er idk but i haven't had that phase the most i have done drunk is like feel hot. the temperature wise hot, i feel the other hot too sometimes but thats not the point. 

i honestly wish i could write some deep philosophical crap directed to my future self of how much i have grown and how much more i still have left but i have a strong feeling thats just not me. im not a deep person and half the stuff that come out of my mouth are either trash or memes and im still too scared to approach my feelings head on. i have never liked coffee and still havent developed the taste for it. honestly i have the taste buds of a 5 year old. but i still eat a lot of weird shit according to my family like octopus and raw fish. although it doesnt seem that weird to me just tasty. 

anyway broski now that I'm supposedly an adult i need to do things like finally get a debit card which doesn't have kids jumping on it and probably get a license to drive a car and then not drive because driving seems like too much effort there is also like giving my board exams and not treating it like dinner graduating also seems quite important lol 

i also found out that people actually care about me???? like more than i thought i mean dont get me wrong i always knew people care but its just i dont voice myself enough so i dont expect people to know what i want and they still do and im like wow (note- these people r not my parents my parents are still v confused on how to raise children and they've brought up two of them) 

now on to important things 

u trusted me with life on my birthday, and the cactus hasn't died yet but its only been like 5 days but still. im naming it ‘xoxo’ just to mess with me and the lucky bastard gets to be in my bts shrine facing namjoon, jin and hobi so like lucky cactus. my mom legit asked mr. maali how to take care of it and he tried to assure her that its not that hard to take care of but honestly both of us aren't that convinced 

love, 

upa