How To Be Distracted

Dear Upa,

                 Do you ever have so much work to do that you’re afraid of even starting?

Because that’s kind of me at the moment. There is so much to do. And I effectively have like a day to do as much of it as possible, because after that, I have, well, distractions. 

Even today, I spent my day at the Farewell for the outgoing batch in school, something I didn’t even want to go for to begin with. I honestly went only because I got to dress up. But it was so much fun, and I have been proved wrong yet again, just like I had been for the Conti and the Winter Carnival. I enjoyed every single moment, the performances were amazing, and I came back and slept for the rest of the day because walking around stamping on your own clothes can be a tiring thing to do.

Then there is the BTS comeback, and I honestly can’t handle it. I can’t. I mean, their title track is called FIRE. That’s so cool already and the amount of puns swirling around in my head is giving me a crisis. It sounds and looks absolutely amazing, they outdo themselves every single time and honestly blonde Jin (or just Jin in general) has destroyed the very essence of my being. I have no emotions left.

And then you guys are coming, in a day, and I CAN’T EVEN BELIEVE IT WHAT DO I DO HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS? (Please start packing.)

Which brings me back to the fact that I have way too much work to do, way too many distractions, and have way too less time.

The farewell distracted me, you guys are coming here IN LIKE A DAY and BTS is ripping my heart out every single second with the concept photos and Young Forever MV and ‘Fire’ teaser.

I’m not going to be able to survive this, but I guess it’s better to burn out than fade away.

I freaking love distractions.

Bye for now, 

Aditi.

How to Fish

Dear Aditi,
   Reading the last post you wrote made me very emo. I am a lot emo these days with you saying such things and then BTS dropping a video with no warning. And you know I don't really have much of a life outside of you and bts and... yup that's it.

Today was a change. Instead of spending my time on my bed, I went to buy pyjamas so that I can spend more time on my bed. And then I got dragged to the fish market with my mother. It smelled horrible. I mean all that dead fish will have some odour and it was bad. This is not exactly a place for the faint of heart or vegetarians because they hack the head of the fish open right in front of you and guts it. I always believed you need to know where you get your food from to eat it, and today that was put into practice and it was pretty normal. I kind of wanted to try to do it but my mom said no way in hell so I play with the cats instead. The cats were very cute and chubby cause they eat a lot. I was kinda jealous of the cats.

BTS is also ruining my life. I want to sue them, for killing me at 8:30pm everyday.

That's it.

I'm out.

Upa. 

How to be Emotional

Dear Upa,

                We mean a lot to me. 

Okay, let me explain.  I was talking to one of our best friends on the phone yesterday, and we were talking about how much we mean to us.

Now, in the last four years, I've subconsciously modelled a large part of my personality after Dan Howell, which has resulted in me being a sarcastic, trash, extremely awkward human who is terrible at expressing emotions, does everything ironically and who also has an intense appreciation for memes. 

Basically, what I'm saying is that I'm quite horrific at expressing my emotions. Especially with the friend I was talking to yesterday because she is quite great at expressing hers and so my brain feels the need to balance it out by only insulting her ironically when she tells me how much she loves me. (That's just how our relationship is, I'm not a terrible person, promise.)

So anyway, we were talking about how we're both really bad at talking to new people. I don't know why, but it's something that we just can't bring ourselves to do. And she was talking about how proud she is of us for being able to make new friends anyway despite being socially inept. And I said, yeah, that is great and all, but sometimes, I get scared.

I get scared because I see people around me making friends when they're adults or even now and become so close, and I honestly don't understand how I'm supposed to make any friends now who mean as much to me as the ones I already have. I mean, how do I find people I feel so close to in every way, whom I love more than most things in the world and who I know love me too?

I mean it. I'm so unbelievably lucky to have you guys. How am I ever going to get this lucky again?

And she told me that she used to be afraid of the same things, but then she realised that it made no sense. 

She doesn't have to find people like that since she's already found them, and they're not going anywhere. And I realised that she's right, I don't need to look for something I already have. 

Needless to say, I'm not afraid anymore. 

Bye for now,

Aditi.

How to do Nothing

Dear Aditi,
   Oh my god, I am so not busy.

I mean, normally I would consider this great. You know catch up on tv shows and other trash. But my mind can't seem to want to do any of that. I guess I am having something of an existential crisis. Again. This time it is related to the fact that I do need to grow up. It's time I start acting and doing something significant for myself.

So, instead I spent my tike taking buzzfeed quizzes. Which tells me I am 94% nerd. And if I was a Taylor Swift song, it would be Wildest Dreams. I also have really bad general knowledge, unless it is animal related. I know way too many pretty useless animal facts. But they make great conversation starters though, at least I hope they do. I have personally never tried opening a conversation with another person like that. I should try, but when speaking to new people or starting conversation I usually tend to let the other person talk more and then once I am sure they won’t leave me I start talking about myself. It usually works. Sometimes, they just leave me. I have become somewhat immune to it now, though recently haven’t really gone to any sort of social gathering. Or gone out of the house in general. 

It’s not affecting me yet, but I think a little more and it is going to effect me a lot. When I feel cooped up, I don’t seem to like to function the way I would normal do. That’s why I am so excited to be coming to you. I mean apart from the fact that you will be there. And I can finally smell you again. I think I might end up smelling like you, which is a great thing. I love the way you smell. And then I get to meet Buddy again. I miss him a lot. It will be almost all of Saap Ghar in Delhi. It just seems like a while ago where I wasn’t allowed to go to Bandra alone, and now I am going to Delhi for the third time. It’s insane and I love it. 

My grandmother is also over. Which is nice, in a way. I mean, I really really missed her. But like all my relatives she likes my brother better. And like all my relatives she is quite vocal about her love for her favourite grandson. I won’t lie, I am a little jealous but apart from that I just think that is a horrible thing to do as a person. Picking favourites among your grandchildren, okay probably everyone does it, but no need to be vocal about it. It makes it worse when the fact that she has taken over my bed, and now I am like a homeless person in my own house and I don’t have the heart to tell her that because I guess I don’t want to hurt her feelings like she does mine. 

Anyway, I have actually been studying to get something done. Today I learned that Punjab has 22 districts and that if you don’t know the answer always chose B. Okay, I knew that form before because once Suga mentioned it in a video. But it is actually pretty legit advice. 

Love you, 

Upa.  

How to Be Myself

Dear Upa,

                 Oh my god, I am so busy. 

I mean, I have so much work to do all the time, I can't even find time to read fanfiction. And my CLAT classes haven't even started yet. Sigh. 

Surprisingly, I don't completely mind. It's good to have a sense of accomplishment that is not attributed to binge watching a show in record time, for a change. I'm also eating relatively healthy this month, which is fun in the most non-fun sense of the word. But it's not completely bad, which is a good sign, right?

I pretty much can't even remember who I am anymore, and I can't pretend I don't just want to sit back and do nothing and have fun and be trash and be myself again. 

That's why I need you to come here as soon as possible, I need reminding. 

Bye for now, 

Aditi. 

How to be a Freak

Dear Aditi,
   Do you know those times where you just really need to pee but are too lazy to actually get up and walk to the bathroom so you hold it in until you absolutely have to go. Is that just me? Probably just me.
Okay, I took a break cause I needed to pee. And then got distracted. For 3 hours. I know that happens to others too. The getting distracted part. Also peeing. Most people have to pee. Is there any sort of condition like that. I need to research this. It can happen as a symptom to like UTIs and Rectal cancer. There are also a bunch of other stuff, but it freaked me what too much to actually read the whole thing. There will be a few related to kidneys, I know that through my limited knowledge of biology.
Anyway, I am not sure why this is the topic I went with to write a post. I had this whole idea in my head to write about how I got another hair cut, and for the first time I actually had to think about how to style according to my hair. That's not the complete truth, I do always style thinking about my hair. But with my pretty fucking short hair I look like a boy. I have a lot of manly features about me. Like my shoulders and neck. And sort of my jawline. I also don't exactly have a feminine body language. It really bothered me for the first 24 hours, because I thought 'oh my god how to dress up now' and then I figured my hair style looks a lot like Min Hari's from She Was Pretty, and if I look like her might as well have her confidence. So basically I did nothing about looking like a boy, and instead went 'fuck it.'
Apart from that, I love my hair. I always love my hair. But short hair is so much funny to play with. I always knew that. Like when I am with Mona, I usually feel like ruffling her hair because it is so much funny ruffling short hair. I don't though, cause it is quite rude. But now I can ruffle my own hair. Most people will call it playing with my hair, but yeah. It's fun.
I can really go on talking hours about my hair. It's really important to me. It's a way to express myself, and one of my favourite things is the express myself without actually having to talk. I prefer to make a first impression before I have to actually open my mouth because when I open my mouth I usually talk trash. For example, the beginning of this post.
If someone actually reads this blog and then decides that they want to be friends with us, I will gladly adopt them because the shit I write here is really honest. And really me. I am my truest self when I am with you.
Love,
Upa. 

How To Wait

Dear Upa,

                 You know those filler episodes that they slip in sometimes in some animes that have no relevance to the plot and exist solely for fan service? Yeah, life kind of feels like that right now.

I mean, at least the part before the fan service thing. I should have probably come up with a better analogy.

Anyway, nothing very interesting is happening. My unit tests started again, of course, I’m procrastinating again, of course, and I have a lot of new classes to go to. This month is going to be full of exciting movies releasing, K-Pop Comebacks, birthdays, tests and classes.

So yeah, okay, maybe some stuff is happening, but my brain is regarding April as a filler anime episode because I want it to pass by as quickly as possible so that May comes soon. 

I’ll see you in the next episode. Can’t wait.

Bye for now, 

Aditi.

P.S.- DUDE, WE FINISHED ONE YEAR OF THE BLOG. YAY! HAPPY ONE YEAR! HOW DID WE MANAGE TO KEEP UP? I'M PROUD OF US.