How to almost 2017

Dear Upa,

                  It's almost 2017. 

And by that I mean it literally is almost 2017, because there are about 36 minutes left of the year. 

I guess I couldn't end the year without saying something. 

I'm at dinner right now, literally in the middle of family in a fancy restaurant and am probably being really rude by typing away on my phone. 

It reminds me of when Yoongs dropped his mixtape in the middle of August when I was out for dinner and I had to excuse myself to the bathroom so that I could watch the mv. 

2016 was the year BTS shined the most, the year they won the daesang.

I don't think I can ever express how much they mean to me in words, or everything they've done for me. I'm a really different person because of them and I'm so proud of them for all they've achieved, and I'm so happy to be starting another new year with them. 2016 was the year we didn't walk alone, we had them and they had us. 

2016 was also the year my favourite people in the world came to Delhi to see me. By the way, I'm really really whipped for you too, I'm not even kidding. If I ever manage to get my Kinsey scale in place we should actually get married. 

2016 was the year I had the best birthday ever. I think birthdays are a really great concept, it's essentially being thankful for someone being born, and I'm glad that I was born.

2016 was the year I learned what it is to be happy. It's not the absence of sadness, but it's finding reasons to smile despite that. It's seeing your favourite people on screen and off, whose smile feels like the best parts of being alive. 

There are 15 minutes of 2016 left, and I'm grateful for your smile. 

Happy new year. 

Bye for now,

Aditi. 

Dear Aditi,

                  I’m writing this to you on your 18th birthday because I want you to remember what you feel right now.

In every letter or message that you read there were two things that were common- the first being how trash you are for Jin, and the second was how you’ve made people happy in one way or another.

I don’t know what this year has in store for you and I didn’t even know if you accomplished much in the past year, but now I do know that you brought happiness into someone’s life, and that’s the best thing I could ever ask of you. 

No matter what happens in the future, this was not a waste. 

If you ever feel like a burden again, which knowing you is not impossible, read those letters again to be reminded of how I feel right now, because Jin was right. 

Tears of happiness do feel warm, after all.

Stay strong and all the best, 

Aditi.

PS: 2017 AND GOOGLE STILL THINKS IM SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

This is such a shit post lol

How to Exist

aditi (Sanskrit: अदिति)

noun

the best friend everyone wishes for 

Dear Aditi, 

   You’re pretty dope. By that I don’t mean that you are extremely pretty and also sometimes quite high, but yeah that too. I just mean you are good. I’ve never been one for words or emotions, and you know that. Of course you know that, you actually know more about me than I do. 

Have I ever mentioned just how lucky we are to have you? You are the reason we all haven’t drifted apart. I don’t know how you do it, but you binds us. Saap Ghar legit never meets unless you are around. Therefore my conclusion is that you are glue. 

This year has been pretty terrible, and I love the fact that you managed to look past that but I can’t seem to. The only thing that has made this year not want to completely kill myself is that I that I have something to look forward to, and that is spending time with you. Here is the truth, I am very whipped because of you. Even more than I am with God. And I have no regrets being whipped by you. (  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) i have sinned ) 

Now, let’s get to talking about more important things. Like your love for the colour pink. In moments I cringe at the amount you love the colour, but then I remember how much I love orange and just stay in my lane. And then I look at you in your baby pink clothes and realise that no one less makes pink look that pretty. (And I know Jin, so that is really a compliment.) 

So finally, happy birthday. Thanks for existing. Thanks for existing at the same time as me, because I really couldn't get through this cold harsh world with you (and dance.) Now that you are 18 you can buy me alcohol, so like goals. 

Love, 

Upa. 

How to Fly

fly (flī)

verb

To rise in or be carried through the air by the wind

Dear Upa,

                 Okay, aside from the fact that 2016 was like 10 minutes long, I think (contrary to what literally everyone says) it was actually a pretty good year.

I remember facing an existential crisis last year because suddenly everything around me changed. This year, though, I think the same amount changed, except that now it’s within me.

This year, I fell both more in love and in hate with myself.

It wasn’t a very pretty year, and everyone including me was practically having a meltdown (I wonder why no one else liked this year) but still, I learned so much about myself. I think I know exactly the kind of person I am now, and even though I’m not sure I love her, I think I’m finally starting to understand her, and that’s a start.

I remember worrying about getting my shit together and actually achieving something in life last year. To be honest my shit is, in fact, still the furthest thing from being ‘together’, but I know that I’m working towards it. And for now, I think it’ll suffice.

I remember being socially awkward last year. Unsurprisingly, I’m still socially awkward, but I’m not too awkward to initiate hugs anymore. I’m beginning to realise that sometimes I need to depend on other people and sometimes I’m not strong enough to handle things by myself, and even more importantly, I'm beginning to realise that that’s alright.

I remember having two new years’ resolutions last year: 1)Study hard in 12th grade; and 2)Learn Korean. 

As far as the latter goes, I didn’t really achieve it. I’m not even close to beginning to achieve it. Maybe next year? 

And the first, well, regardless of the result I did work hard. Not hard enough, but one day (hopefully soon) I’ll get there.

I remember being a little scared of being 17. I don’t know if it’s because I feel like I did grow up a lot this year or because I’m mentally an 8 year old anyway so it doesn’t matter, but in around 3 days I turn 18, and I’m not scared anymore.

2016 was so important. There’s so much left to achieve, and that excites me.

Let’s fly with our beautiful wings in 2017 as well.

Merry Christmas.

Bye for now,

Aditi.

How to Orange

Dear Aditi,

  To me, happiness at one point had become the colour orange. I just related it to being happy, but not the oblivious sort of happy  you are happy without knowing the reason. No, this happy was the sort of one you get knowing it's a scary road ahead but you are willing to face it with a smile, okay maybe in my case crib about it while doing it, but I crib about everything so that doesn't count.

But there are also other reasons to like the colour orange. Like the fruit orange. And the smell of the fruit orange. At this point almost all the products I use are orange scented. So yeah, I'm orange trash.

Now it's very rare I get sentimental with more than one line to say but do you remember the first time we had gone to Jappaloupe? The first time we had, I think we were in sixth grade and I used to a comic artist drawing LK Comics. Less worrying times, if I'm being honest. Unless we are talking about my grades, because I used to barely pass in Sanskrit. The important.

But that was the time you lost your Samsung Corby which I think had some orange colour on it. And you had to use my Samsung Corby instead for the rest of the trip, which in that 1 hour we used to get to call our parents would seem like a problem but honestly I barely spoke to them even then. Most of my calls were just letting them know I'm alive.

Then next time we went to Jappaloupe, we were still in your car and your dad was driving and it was far to early for any normal human to be awake. I think you had some Nokia and so did I. But I had a different Nokia. It was a C6, I think. And my brother owned a black one and I owned a silver one.

Anyway, the phone isn't the important part. Somewhere in conversation our favourite colour came up, and at that time I didn't have one but you did. Yours was green, somewhere from a light green to a leaf green. My tiny brain also wanted a favourite colour, and I looked out of the window to find one and saw the rising sun which made the whole sky a ahade of orange. And I thought that was beautiful and decided that that needs to be my favourite colour. (There is also the fact that Peeta Mellark really liked orange and I liked Peeta so I was like yes orange, but that's a far less emotional story.)

Now when I look back at it, I wouldn't change what that dumb kid said because right now in this moment, I really do love the colour orange.

See you in hell,
Upa.