How to . . .

Dear Aditi,
   I have been spending the past few days with my family. I don't like them, I'll be honest here. Some are nice people, very nice people. But all together they are quite a pain. It just made me realise how much I miss my friends.
Our friends are the most amazing people in their own way. I do fangirl over BTS all the time, and I can't help but find similarities between their members and my weird friends. They are all such strong people. Strong where it counts. Emotional. And like from within. I never really had a good way with words. Or expressing myself.  I have a hard time telling the people I love that I really really love them.
And I miss them. I miss you. And I have been away for only a week. I understand now. I think I do.
Bye.
Upa. 

How to Exist

Dear Upa,

                It’s not fair.

It’s just not. Our friend, and you know which, has to put her puppy to sleep today. It’s not fair.

I have no idea what she is going through at this moment. I can’t even begin to comprehend what she is going through. So I’m just going to look at it from my point of view.

I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting Astro, I’ve only caught fleeting, blurred glimpses of happy eyes and wet noses on snapchat or FaceTime. But I don’t think I have to. I don’t have to meet him to know that that boy is a little bundle of joy, I don’t have to see him in person to recognise the happiness and warmth he seems to emanate, and I don’t have to have held him to be able to notice the way our friend’s face lit up when she did. 

When she called me to tell me, I didn’t know what to do or think. The only things I had to offer were words that all sounded the same to even me, because I knew as well as she that nothing I could say or do would ever make it any easier. After a while, I asked her, “What is Astro doing?”.

And she replied with, “Existing”. 

This part of the blogpost is directed at her.

I don’t know what you’re going through, but I know that Astro as lucky to have you as you are to have him. Astro exists, and he will exist, and he will always have existed. He’s right there, he’s always there, looking at you with his happy eyes and wet nose, because he knows as well as I that you are strong, and amazing, and we are both so, so proud of you. 

I am so proud of you both. I love you.

Aditi.

How to Find Confidence

I'm late again. I forgot. I am going to come up with a better excuse next week. Not that I am saying I will be late next week. I won't.  Don't worry.

I have a lot of confidence. And I haven't always been like this. I have always been a narcissist, but it is only recently I have become a confident narcissist. And I have been thinking where I came about find this confidence. I wish to believe I just woke up one morning and I was like, this fuck I am awesome. It’s honestly not far from the truth. 

But the truth is that I have my confidence because of the friends I have. Who are so genuine, and honest that when they say I look good I know they won’t be lying. And if they say I don’t, I’ll believe them and probably do nothing about it. There is also the fact that I care quite a lot about how I look. Not how good or bad I look. Just how I look. The first impression I will give to person. I am very bad at first impressions. I just stand their awkwardly smiling and let the others do all the talking. I feel like if I will open my mouth, I’ll embarrass myself even more. It’s a miracle how I have any friend, yet alone such great ones. 

AND YOU ARE COMING HERE SOON! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH AND I AM SOOOO EXCITED. I THINK I MIGHT EXPLODE! 

Bye Bye. 

Upa.  

How Not To Be 16

Dear Upa,
                It just hit me.
I am not prepared to be 17.
Just 15 days of being 16 left. I feel like being 17 brings with it an obligation to have an interesting life. Being 17 seems like serious business. Like, I'm not going to be considered a child anymore. I can actually legally watch NC 17 movies if I want to. I'm not ready.

Just like that, 2015 is almost over. Literally the most eventful year of my life, and it just flew by, simultaneously making it feel like both the slowest and the fastest year ever. It feels like nothing changed, but in one year I'm so much closer to getting over my fear of new people, actually made friends in a completely new city, attended a new school with a VERY new uniform, started a YouTube channel and a blog, wrote my boards, didn't do terribly, and survived without the most important things in my life for a very long time. I'm quite content.

On a completely unrelated note, I started watching Star Wars. It was for the same reason I watched Game of Thrones, to be honest. I was kind of sick of all the references and memes that I didn't get.
And it's great. For the movies made in the late 70s and 80s, the special effects are very impressive and the story is so cool, and I am very surprised at how less I don't understand.

You know what? Forget what I had said. I'm not that afraid of being 17.
This year, I had a lot of character development. Right now, I am the kind of person who laughs at their own jokes, makes terrible puns, is the epitome of trash, makes decision based on internet memes and accidentally throws their hairbrush in the dustbin. I think my life is interesting enough.

I can't wait to see what being 17 brings.

Bye for now,
Aditi. 

How to Be Madly in Love

Dear Aditi,
   Sorry I am late. But at first I didn't sleep enough and then I slept too much. I really need to take care of these dates. Maybe planning ahead of time. Yeah, that would help.
Anyway, I would write what is happening in my life- but either it is fandom related or not my story to tell. I feel like I am the second lead my the drama of my own life. But that's okay since you have second lead syndrome. I feel like I have started developing that too. The leads are nice and all, but they are just so stupid I want to slap them.
Why are people so stupid? Fandom and Real Life. I mean, I am one of those very stupid people. And I hate it, but I can't help it. I can't think of a single person who is not completely stupid. I like stupid though. I like people who are unapologetically themselves. And they are proud of themselves. Like myself. Hence I live myself a lot. This post wasn't suppose to take such a turn, but it did and I am not even sorry. See!
See you soon.
Bye!
Upa.

How to Sleep

Dear Aditi, 
    I fell asleep in the train yesterday. On Niv’s shoulder. It was actually quite comfortable and once I was able to block out all the noises, and there are a lot of noises, it was good sleep. My friends are also really nice, and even though they wanted to they didn't disturb me. And I don't think it's cause they are scared of me.
I also came back home and fell asleep 2 hours later. And then woke up when everyone in my family was asleep. It was 2:52am when I woke up. Most of the normal people were asleep,  but I do have friends in different time zones who I could talk with. Next thing I know it's 5:55am and I have to wake up for college the next day. So I go to sleep again.
I dream of sleeping in my sleep. My dream was that two of my college friends were awake while I was kinda sleeping and the remove my phone charger from the plug point, and I need to convey to them not to do that, but since I am  asleep, and do it in growls. That was the entirety of my dream. Now I am awake, it's 8:34am. I am kind of in time if I skip breakfast and hurry up. And I am still yawning. I never realised how much I love sleep. Or the fact, how much I can sleep if I have nothing better to do.
Good night. 
Upa.