How to Spill Milk

Dear Upa,

Yesterday while I was feeding the dogs, I had to open a packet of milk. It was this obscure, over-priced brand because the regular aukaad-wala brand wasn’t in stock, and I was in a hurry/too lazy/melting in the 40 degree heat and bought it anyway. I had to open this packet of milk but I didn’t have a scissor, so I did the normal thing and pierced it with my earring. I know, genius. Except not so genius, because I lost my earring and spilt the over-priced branded milk all over my hands and the ground. Chotu was not very happy about that.

But I still had fun. Technically this is my study leave, and I have long been done with my campus care duties, but I like feeding the dogs. It’s time consuming because we have 10 campus dogs but it’s also therapeutic because it’s something I know I love doing, which is rare.

I wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life, that would make it so much easier. I mean, I do know a few things. I know that I want to be successful. I know that I would like to do something that matters. I know that I don’t want to be poor, because I’d like to travel when I earn my own money. 

I think travelling is a much better use of money than most material things, but my parents don’t always agree with me, so that kinda sucks. But I mean, it’s their hard-earned money, so I better deal with it. When I earn money, I’d like to travel.

I know some things, but I honestly have no idea how to get there. I hope I figure it out. I was watching the Burn The Stage episodes I hadn’t watched, and every single episode made me tear up. Like wow, I love them. I love how real they are. When they were talking about their fears, I was reminded of something I realised today. I’m really struggling with planning out my vacation. I’m only in my first year, and I should be chilling like some of my friends. But then there are some of my other friends who are absolutely killing it, and I know I can’t just sit back and waste my time when someone’s making some use of theirs.

But then, I worry I’m not having enough fun like other people my age. Unlike most people, I’m having a really hard time sorting out my priorities. My urge to work harder and achieve more has only grown after coming to college, but then I also want to have fun and make memories with friends. And so I don’t know what I should do, because I feel like either way, I’ll end up discontent. 

Even right now, I’m so happy. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy. I mean, I was probably really happy in AVM, but I wouldn’t want to go back to that because I was a completely different person back then. But still, I can’t help but think “what if”.  What if I’d picked a different field of study, or a different college, or a different city.

But I stop myself from dwelling too much on that. I’m here, and I’ve got to figure this out. As Mankiw said in our microeconomics reading- there’s no point crying over spilt milk.

Bye for now, 

Aditi.

PS- I’m guessing you’re really busy so I’m not going to keep pressuring you to post. I’m also not going to stop myself from posting when I want to write. Please post when you feel like it!

How to bLog

7.13 PM, March 26, 2018

I don’t know what happened. I was shitting myself for the longest time and trying (and failing) to keep it together, but today I’ve been feeling really optimistic and confident all of a sudden. 

I realised that the competition for gen sec is absolutely ridiculous and I just got 12.5 on 25 on a math test, and I’m not sad. I sacrificed the math test for my mental health. It wasn’t a stop, it was a pause. And now I’m going to kill it in my next paper because literally nothing is stopping me. 

As for gen sec, I can’t be sure of what’s going to happen, I just have to believe in myself. There’s a very good chance it won’t happen, but I wonder if I can get it if I really put my mind to it. 

11.38 PM, March 30, 2018

I’m not really sure what I’m doing. I never stopped to think, “Wow, I’m really doing this.” I don’t think I’m going to win just because I want it. I don’t think you really get things just by wanting them, no matter how much that’s what they want you to believe. I  think you have to legitimately work no matter how talented you are. Maybe the lack of talent will work in my favour, maybe it won’t. The thought of leaving everything and just reading fanfics is really tempting. Maybe I don’t need to think about it to know that I’m scared, because I am. Maybe it’s a good thing I’m scared. Maybe the whole thing is not that big a deal. Maybe it is. I don’t know because I haven’t stopped to think. 

9.08 PM, April 2 2018

Over the weekend I wondered if I should ask my parents if I can go for therapy. I mean I don’t know if im depressed or if I have anxiety, but I’ll never know if I don’t get someone with a lab coat to tell me. 

I don’t know why I’m mentioning this part here since it has nothing to do with the elections, and maybe it’s because a part of me thinks this note is never going to see the light of day since I’m only going to post it if I win, obviously. 

I think I’m posting it because at home, I got sad. At home I wondered why I was standing for elections at all and if it’s really what I want. But then I came to college and I see other contesters feeling intimidated by me or people referring to me as “gen sec” before the elections even take place, and some twisted part of me likes it. Loves it, even. It feels great to be taken seriously. 

And I know why I want to be gen sec. I love to win. 

It’s like validation, since it’s an election, because I’m not capable for doing that for myself no matter how much sometimes it feels like I can. I don’t know if it’s depression or anxiety, but if this is not what it would feel like, then I don’t know what would. 

6.02 PM-11.35 PM, April 3

a few things that were said to me today-

“i was reading a tale of two states

and at one point I was like fuck

aditi is too precious for this world”

“are you proud of me?”

“I really am. you work very hard. even if you don’t understand something, you don’t give up till you do, so I’m proud of you.”

“you know I would totally put flowers into your hair too :( if u weren’t so far :((“

“I wish I could vote for you even though I’m not in your college”

“Aye Projekt! Tell us where the best lighting is for the group photo”

“I hate kpop, but I got high tolerance for this girl. See you soon.”

“Ur an angel.”

“I am. Sometimes I’m a fairy also.”

“Replicated in the statue in bst”

“Ily🤞🏿

People were nice to you

They’re smart people”

i guess it’s just one of those days 

10.42 PM, April 4

I’m so screwed lol 

10.16 AM, April 6

I’m so scared but my dad just said he’s proud of me 

9.57 PM

I’m terrified. Absolutely terrified. I don’t want to lose. 

I’m incredibly proud that I pushed myself to do this, because this involved everything I’m terrified of. But I still did it. And it’s such a big deal, like I can feel how much of a big deal it is for me personally. I don’t know what’s going to happen on the 12th but right now, I’ve already won my personal battle. 

But that just makes the prospect of losing all the more scarier. I’ve sucked at stuff so many times by now that you’d think I’d be used to it, but the fact that this involved my biggest insecurities makes me even more vulnerable. 

I just.. I just hope. I just hope that if I lose, I can save myself from myself. 

4.12 am April 10

lmao my previous log was so embarrassing I’m fine now ok

Maybe it’s a good thing I’m documenting it because I’ll forget I felt that horrible too 

Anyway today was a good day I think and I’m really happy with myself 

Also I remembered that I joked about my GPA today, and I had no remorse when I did it 

I think that’s growth 

12.26 AM, April 13

So um,,,, I did it? 

It confuses me a little so I’m going to lay it all on the table. Less than one year ago I was too scared to talk to a single person in the department, and now I got 80/130 votes. I can’t understand myself. I got complex from people I beat. I had dinner with people I longed to be friends with. I think the present aditi is someone the past aditi would look up to, and that makes me content. 

The formal confrontation was absolutely terrifying so I don’t know why I had so much fun and stayed confident. This makes no sense.

But, I did it. I got it because I worked for it. 

There’s a lot still to do, so it’s time to get to work. 

Bye for now.

Aditi. 

how to asdkghjkk

Dear Aditi,

We got Dan and Phil tickets today. Holy shit. What. It's been a couple of hours and it still doesn't feel real. It's like a lucid dream I don't want to wake up from.

We get to talk to them. Like legit talk to them. What. Wait what. Ha. Hahahahahahahhahahahahaha. I am still in shock. I don't think I will ever come to terms with it.

I don't think I have ever felt that much joy over something materialistic in forever. That much joy in general also, I guess.

A part of me is also a bit scared. But it's about the dumbest of things. Like what will I wear. And will I look stupid. And how short I will be. I will be so short oh my god. And aqua pallu is with us and she is 2 cool 4 skool.

But then an even bigger part of me is like haha hahahahahahahhahahahahaha haha dan and Phil. Daniel and phillie. ma tol noodle Bois. My dads who shaped a significant part of my personality. My sons who need to be protected. Oh god these are too many emotions I will die.

I'm going to move on to other topics, BC my heart. I went on a date with god. it wasn't rlly a date that is a complete lie. but we did drink over pizza and got slightly tipsy and then visited an art gallery and she let me rant about the artistic integrity of the painting. so an ideal date. it's the sort of date you write fanfics about. And told vaish about my date too. she also went out on a date which is not rlly a date. she knows everything i feel and completely excepts me. how did i get that lucky. i think i am pretty darn lucky to find good people. like vaish, who legit thought dan and Phil are boyfriends. I mean so does the phandom but she isn't in the phandom so it's different.

also front row seats. WHAAAATTTTT.

Love,
Upa.

how to be a cat

Dear Upa,

Recently, I’ve not been doing a very good job of not letting life overwhelm me. I wake up in a state of panic and I fall asleep in a state of panic (that is when I actually sleep and not sustain myself on naps), and the part in the middle just goes by in a blur of me trying to catch up with the things around me. People say I should make a list of things I need to get done to calm myself down, but honestly the idea of reiterating everything I have yet to do is terrifying. I just talk to Vandu or listen to a soothing video of Dan saying motivational stuff to calm down, and even if it’s temporary, it works like a charm. I realised today that the only thing I can say to comfort myself at this point is that it really just gets worse from here, so I shouldn't give up just yet.

But now I’m going to talk about things that have distracted me from feeling like actual mush. 

I got kittens. Two of them. They’re so soft and so fluffy and they’re inseparable, it’s adorable. The first day they were here all three of us were sizing each other up, because I don’t know if it’s obvious, but I have much more experience with dogs than I do with cats. Dogs are so easy, but you can never know what a cat is thinking. I assumed I should give them space, which seemed doable in theory but in reality proved to be impossible because of how FLUFFY they are, how am I not supposed to squish them? 

Vandu told me to treat them how I would expect someone to treat me, because it’s not all that different, and I realised that holy shit, she’s right. I thought I was more of a dog than a cat, but I realised that I’m definitely more of a cat. 

When I asked my sister which she thought she was more like, she said cat. When I pointed out that most people I know would actually be cats for some reason, she said that it’s because very few people are good enough at heart to be dogs. She’s right. 

I think Vandu would be a dog. 

Bye for now,

Aditi. 

how to honour hixetapesus

Dear Upa,

I don’t know if I’m necessarily an optimistic person. I mean, in my head I’m most definitely not. But when I take into consideration all the posts I write, no matter how depressing the subject matter, the end is always, always abruptly hopeful.

I’m not entirely sure why I do that. Maybe I want to make the future Aditi feel better if she comes back to read these, or maybe it’s to simulate fake happiness to resemble to the real thing.

I’m not sad. I’m not content, either. I’m fine, with the occasional existential crisis that is pretty much routine by this point. 

One of the things that has always bothered me is a thought my brain only recently articulated- and it is that I’m a child. I’m 19 years old, which is supposed to be pretty old. Yet, there is so much I haven’t experienced and so much I’m not ready to. There is so much I haven’t even thought about, and so much I don’t want to think about. I can’t help but feel so different from most people my age, like there was some sort of introductory class that I missed. Maybe this is how everyone feels, I don’t know, but I’m really just a child and I don’t think I’m ready to grow up yet.

College, though, feels like a safe space. I don’t know how, but it feels like a home. I’m not sure how I ended up in a place that is my comfort zone while still pushing me out of my comfort zone, and while I’m happy for myself, I’m not sure if I should be.

I’m 19 years old and I don’t know what I’m good at. There are some places where I feel more confident than I do in others, where I find it easier to address a crowd, and I still haven’t figured out why that is.

Most things are a blur, and I’m just waiting for it to clear itself out. 

Anyway, I need you to feel happy. I know it’s not a switch that you can turn on and off and that I can’t just say everything is okay because it’s not, and that I can’t just ask you to simply be happy. But I am. 

You deserve to be happy, and that’s what you’re going to be. And I know I have no way of knowing it for sure. But- surprise- I’m hopeful.

Bye for now,

Aditi.

How to try and live

Dear Aditi,

I haven't written in a while. Usually it's cause I forget or life is too busy, but even though life has been busy I didn't want to write a letter.

I just didn't.

But now I have something to talk about, and also you reminded me it's been like 2 weeks. So here I am.

Honestly I kinda realised my life is not as mundane as I think it is. It also isn't as sad as I feel it is. I mean I am getting educated in a university some (quite few) dream of going to. And I get to eat whatever I want. I'm not failing anything. I have people around me who love me for the mess I am. And it's good. It's really good.

Just the other day, a acquaintance (I use the term loosely) called me a bitch for not doing her part of a group project. And you should have seen Nee and Vaish. They were ready to fight. Like literally fight her. And the fact is they aren't the only ones. I have so many people around me. Including you, and I am grateful.

It is still annoyingly difficult to be content when you work your ass off and someone takes it from you only because of their name. And I shouldn't be okay with that. I'm not. I want to fight, but I know that will only make things worse. So for now I work hard. Well, harder.

We had our college Fest in the past two days. It was tiring. Annoying. I fought with more than one faculty about my work. Turns out creativity is not appreciated as much as how pretty the work is. Dumbheads. Also our college fest sucks, so lol.

I had to  go to Chennai today. And my dad booked a return train ticket. Then I took a general ticket at the counter and got on the train.  Never before in my life have I felt like an object as I felt on it. Maybe it's the way blonde hair or the way I dress but practically every single person on that train looked me up and down like an object. So I left and booked a plane ticket. Made my father book a plane ticket. Which he booked twice cause the first one he booked for March 24th. It's been a morning.

Love,
Upa.

how to be born

Dear Upa,

Happy birthday. 

You're 19 now and it's been a decade since I've known you, so it would make sense for me to say that I know everything there is to know about you. But the thing is, I also know you long enough to know that with you, that's really not possible. 

You change faster than your hair does. One minute you're almost a stranger, another, you're the closest another human being can be with me both emotionally and, if I'm lucky, in real life. 

With you, nothing is boring. I wish I could somehow express to you how hard it is to be away from you, but I'm neither a good enough writer nor emoter. It's not that everything completely sucks without you- it's just that you somehow make everything so much better. It's like trying to compare life with absinthe to life before absinthe. Did I just call you absinthe?? Oh well, I know you long enough to know that you're flattered. 

You're the most comfortable adventure I've ever been on. Writing this is just making me miss you more, and now this is messy. 

I guess I'm just going to say that I'm not an easy person to love, but you still somehow do it. That's just how things always are with you; they seldom make sense. There's something about you that makes people love you. You're a pain in the butt and terrible at communication and there are so many things about you that make me mad lmao but a single word from you makes me forget everything, and makes my day instead. 

I'm so soft for you, it's a curse. 

Wow I can't even express how fond I am of you without jokingly being mean someone save me 

I'll try again

Basically, what I want to say is this- your existence alone is one of the happiest things that has ever happened to me. I love you so much, it's not even normal. I'm so lucky to love you. I know that things aren't easy right now, but the thing is, they never have been. You've spent 19 years of your life fighting, and it's been a decade since I've known you, and I know for a fact that you can do this. Thank you for being by my side, and know that I'm always going to be by yours. Even if you're sitting in Bangalore and I'm sitting in Delhi and who knows where we may sit in the future, my favourite place has always been the one next to you a decade ago. 

I'm so grateful. 

I love you. 

Bye for now,

Aditi.

ps. lol you're old too now fam 

pps. this whole thing was written before ur birthday sorry for being very no fun

How to test

Dear Aditi,

I have realised that the sadder I am, the less words I write. There is no real deep meaning to that, except that my mind keeps focusing on the negative and I really don't want to keep writing about that.

Personally, I think you are doing amazing. And like not personally also- if I knew you as an outsider, you are still doing amazing.

My first round of tests are coming up, which is terrifying because I happen to never complete work on time, or just before time. And redbull becomes my new fave. It's not a very nice time, but I gotta do it.

And I am.

Trying.

Fighting.

Love,
Upa.

how to 전진 전진

Dear Upa,

I think I’ve figured out what my problem is (one of them, at least). I think I care too much. 

I mean, I care exponentially less than I did till a while ago, but where it really matters, I care too much.

And caring isn’t really a bad thing if you aren’t as lazy as I am. But when you’re me, you care too much and do too little, and apart from being one of the most irritating things a person can ever do, it sucks because it usually results in disappointment.

I got an 8.45 SGPA and didn’t get best volunteer for the sponsorship team despite how much I cared about both those things, and that really stung. But then I realised that I didn’t, for one second, consider all of the things I learned in the process. All that mattered to me was the reward. 

I got a 10 in stats, and I wasn’t even sure if I was good enough to take it in the beginning of last sem. I raised 1 lakh and got us the associate sponsor. I learned so so much, and no one can take that away from me.

After spending most of my life only measuring life through academic success, I was used to just getting marks I didn’t even work as hard for. For the first time in my life, I’m not being awarded marks just by simply attempting the paper. For the first time I have to work hard to even understand what we’re learning in class, and for the first time, I care about things other than academics.

As someone who thought that academics was the only thing I ever had going for me, I’m learning that marks are only one of the many things that I definitely don’t have as together as I thought I did, and I’m also learning that that’s okay.

I’ve only ever worked for things if I was sure I would be awarded something for it, and that sucks.

Ever since I got my SGPA, I’ve stopped worrying. There is no way I’m not going to get marks in these 3 years because that’s not who I am, so I don’t need to worry about that. I’m interested in knowing more and caring less. I’m going to believe that it’ll lead somewhere. I’ll keep going.

Bye for now,

Aditi.

how to be

Dear Aditi,

You know that state where you aren't particularly happy, nor particularly sad. It's where you are just fine. That's been the type of week it has been for me.

I have had a lot of bad luck situations, like not having my cheque book because my dad doesn't trust me with it and hence I can't pay my fees. Or like my GPA was an 8.5, which is not that bad but kinda bad. I've sort of made my peace with it, I mean I did the could. I'll just do harder this semester. This one does have subjects I'm better at, so yay!

Apart from school, I have been embracing my red phase. Today I bought red slime, when I went out to buy paper for class, and came back with slime. I'm an adult I swear. Lol.

Love.
Upa.

how to climb

Dear Upa,

I’m five days late lmao, but better late than never, right??

So it’s been a while since I’ve done this, and I’d forgotten how it was to write about every little thing that happened to me. It feels good to have to write again, and I think it’s nice that I look back at my week and think about how it went.

Honestly, it’s a blur. With the two festivals coming up, everything is kind of crazy. I don’t think I even remember everything I have to do, and some things, (like studying), I’m wilfully forgetting.

It’s weird, though. Despite all the sudden influx of work, I’m not stressed or sad, which was kind of a default state last year, so hey! 2018 is already better! Suck it, 2017!

I think it’s because a while back, I realised that even if there are things I wish were better with my life right now (like the fact that I will never find love or that I don’t know how to be rich and successful yet and I can’t seem to stop referring to my invisalign as my teeth which is actually kind of funny so I don't know why I’m complaining lolol “I forgot my teeth at home”), all of this is actually a privilege. I remember scrolling through Quora and thinking in awe about being in this college and being burdened with studies and responsibilities, and that means that happiness is chaotic in the way that it, too, is a ladder you just keep climbing. 

I love the work I’m supposed to be doing cause it’s fun, but I also think it’s character development.  I’m trying to figure out the kind of worker I am, and I think it’s more along the lines of “lazy perfectionist” or something like that. I don’t believe in submitting crap, but my work process is chaotic at best. I also think I can communicate with people fairly well if I have formal business with them. At other times, however… like today at a movie screening, the girl I was sitting next to started crying halfway through the movie, and I panicked. In the beginning I think I subconsciously convinced myself that she just had a cold, but when I looked over, her friend (my enemy) sitting next to her was comforting her. So I just awkwardly rub her arm, a girl I’ve never seen before in my life, and asked her to drink water, which she didn’t want. And then I just kinda ignored her for the rest of the movie (which wasn’t long, thank god) and started thinking about the bts elevator prank (because of course I did) and before leaving, I told her “Take care, I hope your day gets better,” and she smiled at me and I don’t even know why she was crying in the first place I hope she didn’t kill someone cause that warrants a terrible day imo

Anyway, the point to this story is that Mandu asked me how I controlled my laughter because of my laughing-when-people-cry problem, and a few minutes later Gina asked if I laughed, and I realised that I’m a changed person now, who laughs only when the person is crying really funnily!

i’m going to hell

I also spent a looooot of time with dogs this week. Last week and the start of this week was shitty because Chess was so sick, but now he’s finally started eating a little. I think we chased him for 2 hours on Tuesday, and we also brought in Friendicoes three times to pick him up which they weren't able to do. Chess is my baby boy and seeing him in pain made my heart physically hurt, so he better get fine quickly. Did I tell you every dog at Friendicoes has been given a little bed and a little jacket of their own?? Even the really big ones??? And even the little ones??? AAAAA my heart I love dogs

I also love you and I hope you smile a lot today cause its a cute smile and I also love bts look at that it’s I love bts o clock g2g cry over my kids that I raised on my back ohmygod I love them okkkk bye

The only way to climb from here is up.

See you ladder

Bye for now, 

Aditi.

how to have home

Dear Aditi,

I came back to Bangalore. Now I barely spent any time at home, trying my best to be out. I have been calling hostel home recently, but honestly it isn't one no more how homely my friends make it.

For one, there is no bell. I never thought about it before, but I missed having the bell to ring knowing that my mom would greet me. So even though I had the keys with me the entire time, I always rang the bell.

The other thing about home I missed was the freedom. Now, even in the hostel I have freedom. And most people would be freer in the hostel than in their home, but we are quite lucky that way having such chill parents. I drank basically every night, and learned that I make damn good cocktails. And absinthe is the drink of Gods. And I want more.

I also realised that home is my mother's home. Like when I think about our house in Mumbai, she is the only constant. In my mind it's become her house more than mine. And frankly I'm not even that mad.

(I'm not really sure how much of that made sense. I don't really think much while writing. Or doing anything.)

Anyway, back to home. I could be a sap and say you are my home, but I'm a saap so I won't say that. Cause you already know.

Also a new year started. Yay. And I still missed the day I was supposed to post. But I had an important exam to be fair. I really want to not do a 2017 this year.

This year needs to be good. I don't know why it 'needs' to be. But everyone is tired, okay? Including me. So I really need it to be good.

This one really has no cohesion. Oh well.

Love,
Upa.

How to 2018

Dear Upa,

                 It’s a new year.

I look back on when 2017 began and honestly, things were so much more dramatic back then. 2018 was so chill, there were no metaphorical fireworks (there were real ones, I know because I happened to be outside my room when the clock struck 12 which is rare) when undoubtedly the most monumental year of our lives ended. Just like that. Over. A lot like death.

lol

2017 was like a roller coaster with really high highs and really low lows, and 2018 has so far been pretty chill in comparison, even if only 3 days are over. To be honest, it’s hard to start a new year and have real life punch you right in the face after the wonder that was the month of December. My plan for 2018 is to not freak out, to play to my strengths and to think of the most efficient way out of any problem, because that means I have to rely on logic and not emotions (which, for the record, is not one of my strengths). I remember trying to work hard at everything I do last semester, and while it’s a noble strategy, I’ve found that it’s not the easiest to follow. I’m just not made for studying hard, I tried it once and I swear it almost killed me. I’ll just go with the flow instead. Like a a dead leaf caught in downstream current.

Becoming 19 is another thing that happened! My birthday felt weird because it was unlike any of the other birthdays I’ve ever had, but I was grateful (and a little sick because of what I did in Mumbai but honestly I deserve that). There is no excitement left to becoming older anymore, now I’m just ageing, I’ve given in to fate. 

Buddy’s birthday passed too, and he’s 11 now, which means that I haven't spent more time with anyone else in my whole life. I’ve tried many times to write about how much I love him, but as cliched as it sounds, I don’t have the words. I love him, it’s as simple as that. He’s the happiest thing in my life. He’s home.

Which is weird, because I’m a little homesick. I hope we work harder at talking to each other because I miss you already, I want to spend weeks together like we used to. I don't want to stay away from my best friends, it’s lonely and hard to get used to because even if I think I’m used to it, it’s still as hard when I come back. ( ALSO I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SAID YOU'D DEDICATE SPRING DAY TO ME DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT MEANS TO ME I SWEAR THAT'S LIKE ONE OF THE TOP 3 BEST THINGS ANYONE CAN SAY TO ME (like,, even above "I'm reading On Patrol")  THAT SONG IS SO CLOSE TO MY HEART IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL I'M CRYING NOW I GOTTA LISTEN TO IT AND CRY MORE I THINK I CAN HAVE A 5 HOUR CONVERSATION ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS SONG and the only reason I'll stop is because I'll start crying)

It’s strange, how less of a life I have in Delhi when college isn’t on and how absolutely okay I am with it. If I was in Mumbai, I would have spent New Years Eve at a house party, probably tipsy (cause let’s be real I don’t get drunk), but instead I spent New Years Eve eating cookies with my dad, hearing Namjoonie’s wise words from So4More as the clock struck 12, ushering the beginning of yet another year.

“It’s been a year. It’s been a motherfucking year.”*

And we all know Namjoonie is never wrong. He has an IQ of 148.

I can feel it. 

2018 is going to be motherhecking great.

Bye for now,

Aditi.

*(I would’ve changed it to “motherhecking year” but I didn’t because censoring joonie is dumb).

Dear Aditi,

I'm writing this to you on your 19th birthday because I feel like it's a tradition now. Or at least it should be one. 

There are 6 minutes left for your birthday to end and honestly I haven't thought of what to say to you, because I forgot I was supposed to write this, so thank god for Vandu reminding you.

So, I guess I'll say this. I'm proud of you. There may be times in your life where you feel like you haven't achieved much, but I know you have. Of course, compared to how much you feel like you should achieve it's nothing, but you have this weird habit of undermining yourself. We need to work on that. 

But anyway, you did it. There is so much more you have to do. Once again, you were told by people how you've influenced their life positively, and as far as achievements go, I feel like that one is really lit. 

Also, once again, most of your gifts were BTS related and everyone reminded you how trash you are for Jin, so like, find your chill. (jk I love how consistent you are)

I'm so happy for you because you also have really amazing friends. We're so lucky. 

Let's fly in 2018 as well. Don't give up. Don't be afraid. 

It's going to be a good day. 

u read that in Jin’s voice didn't u I see u 

( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)