How to Comedy

Dear Aditi,
   I want to be busy. I want to be so busy and emotions don't have a chance to bother me. I want to be so busy, that once I get home and lie in bed it's the happiest feeling I can get. I want to be so busy that I am always getting shit done.
Now, I know that normal individually rather not stay busy. And when I am too busy, even I complain about it. But I rather have a lot to do than nothing to do. But that is just a passing thought.
I have taken up a lot of projects to do recently, and I don't know if I'll regret it or not but let's see.
Other than that, this morning during design class we had to do product design. Now fun fact, I'm terrible at product design. It's kind of my weakest link, except maths. So, being the shit I am I didn't take the assignment seriously and designed some sort of tribal mask, and meat mallet and a torture device. That doesn't make me seem normal, but as a designer normal doesn't really exist.
Anyway, halfway through the teacher was like now you have to present your ideas. And I was fucked, but I went anyway and did it with the most serious face I could muster.
And you know what my teacher says after I'm done, 'you should think about being a stand up comedian' 

She was teasing, but I started genuinely thinking about it and realised that if I was maybe a little less of a social disaster that might be an option. Alas, it isn't and I'm still a designer. 

Love, 

upa.

How to Complain

Dear Upa,

       

                I’m trying to look for new things to talk about to bring in some variety, but honestly, I’m drawing a blank. It’s not like my life is particularly multi-faceted, and there’s only so many different ways I can come up with to complain about the things that happen to me. 

For example, my beautiful luck when the mixtape came out. I don’t know why I’m always right about what’s going to happen or why this can’t happen to me when I write papers, all I know is that out of the vast expanse of possible moments Yoongs could have picked to drop ‘Agust D’, it was when I was out of dinner with my relatives. I literally excused myself to the bathroom to watch the MV and was shaking like a psychotic person for the rest of the dinner, what is my life.

Then in Eco class sir asked a question and I whispered the answer and he was like “what?” and instead of shaking my head I tried to explain and then he got confused and I was like “what” and he was like “what” and then I became a blubbering mess and went low in my seat and covered my face with my notebook because I was embarrassed to get so much attention randomly in the middle of class and my friends just laughed at me. I may have looked cute to them, but I think they have a bias.

I’ve also been ranting to every person in the universe about Agust D. One of our friends listened to the whole thing and went “I zoned out ten minutes ago” and I was like that’s okay and continued ranting. I also think I embarrassed myself online by ranting to this really nice girl about ‘my small baby look at him I’m so proud this isn’t a mixtape it’s a mastepiece aGHHHGHgh’. 

But I’m trying not to think too much about that. 

One of my friends said that my pen pencil is shit and bought me a pencil and it was PINK because Jin and I held on to it like it was the most valuable thing ever because I was so touched but obviously I lost it and was so embarrassed that I haven’t carried my pouch to school for two weeks.

And I could go on forever, honestly, but I’m emotionally drained because of thinking about Agust D. Besides, you’re not really missing much.

Sorry for being so shit at posting. :(

Bye for now, 

Aditi.

How to Find Your Type of Nerd

Dear Aditi,

So, Bangalore has been fun. It's always been one of those cities that I liked because of the city itself; and not because of the people living in the city. For one thing, the shops here and actual two storied shops. And malls aren't as big here as proper stores are. I don't know what it is about seeing a huge shop of a certain brand that makes me so happy. But it does. I did try to ask my mom to take me shopping but she hasn't agreed to it yet, so I'm not sure when that is going to happen.

Apart from that let me tell you about the people I am living with. So they are very close family friends. Almost like family, and really we do treat each other like that. So family. And I haven't met them in 5 years. I have changed a lot in 5 years. And so has he.

For one his voice is not the kiddish voice anymore, but actually sounds like a boy. He has grown taller and is now only a little shorter than me. He is a ninth grader by the way. He also speaks in this weird american indian accent which I don't know where he picked up from since he has been living in Bangalore, but yeah. But more importantly he is a nerd. I like nerds. I like only nerds. But he is also that pretentious type of one who only believes in what he believes, and I guess I am like that sometimes but the fact that he said he hated Kpop because everything is too bright. How dare he. He also said the stupid North or South Korea joke, which I have heard a million times. Honestly, I prefer to call it Uptown Korea and Downtown Korea but that's a different issue. He and my brother get along really well though because they are actually the same type of nerds. Like a carbon copy of the other. It's scary to see, it's like having another brother and it's a younger brother and I don't like that. But it's not like he has done anything bad yet, so I refuse to make a judgement so fast. I'll give it a few days and then I'll leave Bangalore.

I did meet nerds I actually like at the design firm though. I mean, they were nothing like me and yet we had so much to talk about because at the end of the day we had a similar goal. Some of the people at the firm thought I was a new designer which made me really happy because that means I look the part. Or act like it. Or both. Whatever, it makes me happy. Although, does that mean I look that old? I am not old. Not yet. Old age is catching up to me in an incredible speed, but still not yet.

Love,
upa. 

How Not to Sleep

Dear Upa,

                  Things are going alright. 

I'm going to school, which is good. School isn't that bad, you know. My friends are great, I love my subjects, and school makes me laugh a lot and  laughing is fun. 

The only reason I don't feel like going is because I'd rather sleep at home. For me it's a constant battle between sleep, school, and studying. If I choose any two I can't have the third. Like earlier, I used to study at night and sleep instead of going to school. But then I realised how messed up my attendance really was. Not that I expected anything else, to be honest. So now, I don't sleep. I know it's not the most ideal solution, but I would help it if I could. 

For someone who loves sleep so damn much, I don't do it nearly enough. 

Other than that, a lot of things are happening and it's good. Also, the coming weekend is the first proper weekend I'm going to get since April, and I'm so excited.

I can stay up all night being trash, and I can also sleep. 

It sounds a little too good to be true.

Have fun in Bangalore!

Bye for now,

Aditi. 

How to Fashion

Dear Aditi,
   This blog has a few distinct topics that we always talk about. How the future is scary. Homework is hard. The education system is terrible. Humans are difficult. Lack of social skills. How much we miss each other.
All great topics of discussion but damnit I feel like I need to be more interesting. So I'll tell you about something I studied today. And I know that sounds even more boring, but I have interesting subjects. I swear. Except Eco. Economics is terrible and I hate it with a burning passion. Except this one time we were doing exceptions of the law of DMU and one of the points was drunkards, which the teacher gave instead of addicts or alcoholic. Drunkards. I have laughed a lot about this. This is basically my sense of humour.
Anyway, we had an As You Like It chapter today. Basically it was the whole story shortened to 4 pages. But it was done so terribly I was crying. Nothing was explained. There wasn't enough Touchstone and I was almost in tears behind my fake glasses I wear because I think they are fashionable.
Speaking of fashion, sometimes I wonder why not get into fashion. It seems like a great career choice actually. I mean I am good at it. I understand it. I like it. But then I just sometimes feel like I just don't belong in it. Like if you look at me, I am not exactly screaming fashion. Usually I look like a hot mess, but for some reason that works for me. Don't know how, but it works.
This is a lot like a shit post.
Love,
upa. 

How To Not Know How

Dear Upa,

                

                That happens to me all the time.

I totally know where you’re coming from.

Well, maybe I’m not that affected by the not being able to approach people thing. I mean yes, it is a huge problem sometimes, but sometimes I’m just used to it. Most of the time, I’m not really interested in approaching people anyway. At times it’s not because there’s anything wrong with them, but because my brain completely shuts down and I become hyper aware of everything I’m saying if I really care about what someone thinks of me. Usually, if there’s someone that I really, REALLY want to get to know, I eventually end up getting to know them. The times I don’t I just deal with it.

Basically what I’m saying is that it’s not like it’s not a huge problem for me or that I don’t wish I knew how to fix it, I’m just saying that I’ve gotten used to dealing with it. I think.

That’s the thing about being both shy and socially awkward. I know that I’m not completely socially inept, sometimes I surprise myself, but sometimes my brain completely shuts down and I go blank. Sometimes talking in front of other people TERRIFIES me but sometimes it just comes to me naturally. It just depends on the day. 

I would help it if I could, but I really don’t know how to.

Bye for now, 

Aditi