How to OTP

Dear Aditi, 

   I had opened a document to write this post, and then I got distracted and started working on my design project instead of studying. I am pretty useless that way, but I am prioritising. What matters more, the portfolio that will get me into a university or my 11th standard exams? The answer is pretty clear. Although I didn’t really think that much into it, I just like sketching more than economics, or any of my subjects for that matter. 

Getting into the university of my choice is very important, because it makes my dream of us living together that much closer. There is also the fact that if I don’t get into the best college, as a designer I will probably be unemployed. I am doing exactly what I want to do, so I might as well be doing it well. Although, exactly what I want to be doing is to be with you and marathon BTS videos and some K drama or anime which I have probably already seen before but we just have to watch it again because it is totally worth it.

Anyway, I have developed a habit. I am not sure if it is a good one or a bad one but I searching for OTP prompts online and then put my OTPs in that situation and get feels about it. It is extremely bad for my hearteu but it is so worth it. 

Like who eats the others uneaten pizza crust?

Or who would accidentally set the kitchen on fire while cooking?

Which one hold hold the umbrella over both of them in the rain?

Who sleeps on the other persons lap?

Which one constantly wears the other’s clothes?

The answers according to me are. Me. You. You. Both. Me. You are free to argue if you don’t agree with me. For any of you who thought I wouldn't use Aditi and me for OTP things, I have news for you. I ship us. A lot. 

Bonne nuit. 

Upa.  

How to Believe In Miracles

Dear Upa,

                 

                I went through a lot of emotions yesterday.

So my exams are going on right now, (at this point, when are they not? No, I’m totally not salty) and my next exam was Economics. It was a lot of portion, and we had 2 days. Obviously, true to myself, I wasted the first day completely and was left with a crazy amount of portion to do in 24 hours. 

Usually, a normal person in this situation would get nervous, or worried, but I felt strangely calm. I have been procrastinating for 17 years now, I know how to do things at the very last moment. This was home turf, I could totally do this. I pulled an all nighter (obviously) and slept at 12 pm the next day. I probably solved more questions of statistics that night than I have all year, but when I woke up at 5 pm, I had the entire theory left to do and the paper was the next day. I was, basically, screwed, no matter how I looked at the situation.

And then it happened. I checked my phone, still half asleep, reading the BTS interview thing you had messaged me, when one of my friends texted me saying that the exam is cancelled for the next day and it’s a holiday, and to be honest I thought I had died or something. It was sheer dumb luck, and I was so used to such things not happening to me that I couldn’t believe that I could have actually been that ridiculously lucky. 

Obviously, I abandoned all attempts to study and started reading fanfiction.

That night, I slept on time. 

I guess miracles really do happen.

Bye for now, 

Aditi.

How to Continue

Dear Aditi,
    Pardon? I think U got jams. You have more jams than you need. (For the people who don't people the reference). As for the people being done with you, yes. They are very done. My parents are also done with me, and let's not even begin about my brother. But I was reading this book recently, and I am as surprised as more are about it not being fan fiction. But the book is called The Birth of Korean Cool.  It was given to me by Dave as a birthday present, and it is a really really good book.
It is very rare for me to read a non-fiction book, but I am on page 75 and this speaks to me. The first chapter talks about how South Korea wants to dominate the world through K-Pop, and it is so plausible. I mean, we along with thousands of others around the world are already trash. In the book he calls it "soft power." It is really genius.
Aside from that life has really been slow. I mean, things are happening. My father gave me a lot of chocolates on Sunday. On Monday, it was a college friend's birthday. I talked more about BTS. But nothing made me intensely feel anything. It just happened. And then it went. Life right now is like a filler chapter in a book, where nothing significant happens and you are just waiting for the build up. So I hope you are coming soon, because I don't want my story to be without you.
Life! What are you doing?! It's time to keep up pace! Keep me entertained. I think I found the perfect thing to describe what I feel right now. 

Bi,
Upa.

P.S. This one has a lot of links. 

How To Lose All Your Jams

Dear Upa,

                Not much is happening.

My exams are coming, again. I am procrastinating horrifyingly, again. It’s a never ending, vicious cycle that I always find myself stuck in for some strange reason, thanks to my mad school who loves ensuring that their students have no life.

Okay, I’m annoyed at the amount of work I have to do that I haven’t done, but to be fair, when am I not?

My life has been completely taken over by K-Pop for a while now, and it’s reached a point where my parents don’t ever let me choose what music to play because they know it’s going to be Korean and when I tell my friends I haven’t gotten anything done that day they reply with, “Let me guess, K-Pop?”.

They do have a pretty high tolerance though. I get that it’s really annoying for people who aren’t obsessed with it, but I mean I don’t know how to not be annoying about it, so I guess people will have to get used to it. While rewatching the Dope MV with you over Skype yesterday I had a flashback to exactly 5 months ago when I first saw that music video, when I didn’t know what I was signing up for. I get more and more obsessed every day, and at this point, I don’t even care.

What is another great thing is that we got into it at the same time. I don’t know how it would have worked out if I had gotten into it without you, but it truly is amazing to have you being as socially unacceptable as me.

In other news, my sleep schedule is more messed up than ever, because nights and days have switched for me and I sleep during day and stay up at night. 

Oh man holy shit, sorry I am like this. I got no jams. 

Remember how we bought our friends a cake for putting up with us making random BTS references the whole time? 

Yeah, I think we’ll have to invest in another cake soon.

Happy V Day.

Bye for now, 

Aditi.

How to be INFIRED

Dear Aditi,
   I have a problem. Well, this is one of the many problems I have. I am rarely infired inspired. And the only time I really want to do things is when I am heading out for college. So, I say to myself that I am going to go home and do all this epic shit. It never happens. I am always stuck right before my deadlines trying to complete stuff, and whining about it the whole time while doing it.
The thing is that I want to do it, but either I am sleeping or I find some other excuse. I need to come up with a system that doesn't make me want to sleep for 22 hours a day and maybe actually do something productive. Making lists doesn't really help me either. Don't get me wrong, I really really love lists. But they also make me anxious. It isn't good for my hearteu heart.
On a happier note, there may be a little tiny actual hope of us living together in the foreseeable future. And that is so exciting. There are very few things that excite me in life, and one of them is being with you. I do everything possible to be with you, and this is a possibility of living together. I am excited to have a collection of matte black ceramics and binge watch K dramas with you till 7am.
I really want it to happen.
With Love,
Upa. 

How to Scare The Future

Dear Upa,
      The future scares me.

My first post on this blog was about how I was undergoing an existential crisis about the past and how little it matters. As a matter of fact, I seem to have had amazing character development in almost a year, because I am going through one now as well, only this time, it’s about the future.

I mean, everything is serious business now. We don’t need to play at being grown up anymore, we literally are. I have one year to get my shit together and actually achieve something in life, one year that decides the rest of my life. Speaking of, I have absolutely no idea what the hell I want to do with my life. I know I’m not stupid, and I somehow manage to get okay marks compared to the minimal effort I put in, but I have no discipline and I don’t know how to work hard. I would do much better if I stopped being lazy and worked hard, and I genuinely have tried to do that so many times, but it seems like I am physically inept when it comes to having any self control. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m scared. Terrified. And it’s my fault, I know. I know what I have to do, so why in the world am I not doing it? And I don’t know what I want to do. Well, actually I do. I want to stay a child and not work and remain in the comfort of knowing what I have to do in the months before me, but sadly, that is not an option. I have to suck it up and deal with it, but I really don’t want to. I’m confused, and scared.

The future is terrifying. And it is here.

On the brighter side, not everything about the future is that sad, right? The future is when I get to be done with my finals. The future is when I get to go ice skating. The future is when I can probably eat some cake. The future is when I go to Singapore/Korea/Japan/London/whatever other place gets added to that list with you. 

I think out of the several flaws I pointed out in myself, the biggest is that I’m blaming the future for sucking, when I could just take control of the present to make the future not suck. It’s literally all up to me.

The future scares me, and I guess it’s time to scare the future.

Bye for now,

Aditi.

How to Celebrate a Birthday

Dear Aditi,
   It was my birthday this Sunday. I am 17 now. I feel like I am 7. I am as responsible as a 7 year old. And probably as mature as when. Just much more perverted than a 7 old year. I think mine is what a 17 year old should have. Why am I talking about this?
Anyway, my birthday was great. I was so happy. I couldn't stop smiling and I didn't want to because most of the people I care for were all there to celebrate with me. You weren't there, but we Skyped and you and Dave (who happens to be the number one reader of this blog) were the first to wish me. And I got great gifts. My mother gave me a cupboard and forced me to clean my room by dumping all my crap on the bed. I would do anything for sleep and my bed, so I cleaned my bed in record time. You gave me one of the best gifts I got. I mean, Kumamon. A Kumamon bag. I love it. I don't want to sound materialistic, but I am so what is the point of denying it. The weirdest gift I got was paan flavoured chocolate, which my Dad ate. He likes paan. I don't. Explaining paan to a person who doesn't know it is really hard; because no one knows what a beetle leaf is and the taste is not something that I really have word for except disgusting. But I don't think that's how I should explain things. What I am trying to explain, and really failing at is that I felt special.
I felt special because I was born. That is the greatest achievement of my life apparently. I felt special because I was appreciated. Between the realest birthday wishes, and I two word ones- I still felt like yes, I was born and that is a good thing. My life has effected the people around me in a good way, and isn't that what we all want? To be important. Now, I may not be important and I may not be known by a stadium of people. But I matter, to maybe just one person and right now, that's enough. I matter.
On a totally different note, the girl who I said I was madly in love with a few months back asked me about my blog. She asked me if I could send her the link. And me being the smooth person I am just said, "No."
Goodbye, pretty papillon.
Upa.