How to Be Glad

Dear Upa,

                Frankly, I don't get it. 

I don't get how this fandom thing works. I realise now that ever since I was like 10, I've spent my time fangirling over other things. It started with Percy Jackson, then Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Divergent, the Mortal Instruments, all of it was when I was only 11. And then I got introduced to YouTube (thanks to you) and danisnotonfire and amazingphil, and I started off as a casual fan and three years later am full-time phan trash. There was anime and various TV shows and now I am absolute BTS trash as well. Go figure.

Basically, I don't even remember how life was before I lived for other things. I have a Unit Test tomorrow and all I can think about is the BTS come back album and phil is not on fire 7 which will both release today. 

Maybe that's kind of sad. 

But maybe it's not. Maybe there is a sort of beauty in the way you go out there and find things worth staying up at 4 AM with your eyes glued to a laptop screen for. Maybe it's kind of great that you have a purpose that you find for yourself, a thing that makes you smile when you think about it and maybe it's great that you have something you care about that much. I think it's great that you can find happiness for yourself. 

I am glad I am a fangirl. I am glad that two British boys across the world can make me smile at any time of the day, or that fictional characters mean so much to me or that things happening to seven boys all the way in Korea has a huger impact on my life than most things.

It may sound kind of sad for someone who isn't a full time internet hobo, but these are The Most Beautiful Moments In Life. 

(Pt. 2).

Okay I had to make that pun. I'm sorry. The point is, 10, 20 years down the road I'll either still be a fangirl or look back at all the amazing times I've had with all these fandoms and think to myself, "Damn. How did I afford all those books and albums? Must be so expenseev. More than 3 dollars. I must have been reech."

I'm sorry. 

I'm done. 

I'm good. 

Bye for now,

Aditi. 

How to not Regret

Dear Aditi,
   I have a lot of friends who are in a lot of different fandoms. Some of them are in the same fandom as me. Some aren't. I want to tell you about the ones who aren't.
First off, everyone has the fandom superiority complex. In which they think their fandom is better than anything else. I have it. You have it and everyone I know has it. But when I am not in a fandom, or I was in one and now it's sort of dulled down. I look at these people and think, 'damn they are going to regret their choice soon enough.'
I don't think I have any right to think that. Because it's their life. They can do what they like with it, whether they will regret it or not. I, personally, have never regretted any of the fandoms I have been in. Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Hunger Games- grat. All the bloody anime I have watched- pretty good. All the manga I have read-  very good. Once Upon a Time- beautiful. Dan and Phil- well I am trash right now, so I don't know. But it made me wonder, will I ever regret it 5 years from now, maybe 10. I don't know. I don't want to. But I might.
I think it does make me grateful that I never got into Justin Bieber or One Direction, because I would regret fangirling over Larry. I assume it's Larry that people fangirl about. I don't have first hand experience.
Je Ne Regrette Rien.
Upa. 

How To Leave Your Comfort Zone

Dear Upa,

                Yesterday I attended a party. I'm a disaster in any social situation as it is, and I remember watching a K-Drama 20 minutes before I had to be ready and thinking about how much I didn't want to go, and instead just sit in the comfort of living vicariously through the high school dramas of a fictional character on the other side of the world. I had resigned myself to sitting near the food and eating and avoiding conversation because that is honestly my idea of a great time.

But I decided to just get up and go, because my life had literally come to a point where and my parents were forcing me to go for a party, so I figured I've hit a new low. 

But it was so much fun. The songs were great, the people were quite nice, the food was good, the place was super fancy and I can't remember the last time I danced this much and could ignore the fact that I almost passed out from the pain my heels were causing me. I don't know how all of those people stayed in heels for that long man. I am never trusting those shoes again. 

I realised that it didn't matter that I didn't know everyone like I did in our previous school, just the friends I did have were enough. I guess I could actually not hate it every time I'm forced out of my comfort zone, but the thing is with you I don't have to. I don't know anyone else I would be this comfortable living with. I know what you mean, because I am mostly myself when I am around you too. 

Parties are great I guess, but in all honesty, give me binge watching BTS videos and crying over fictional characters any day of the week. 

Bye for now,

Aditi.

How to Miss You

Dear Aditi, 

   I miss you. A lot. Like when I want to say something funny that I read on tumblr, and pick my head up only to realise you are not here. I am not in Delhi, I am not with you. While I was with you, I called my mother  total of 2 times and my father 3 times, of which 2 calls were me asking for money. I am not a family person. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. They are crazy and mad, but fun. But, coming back home, I realised that I had wholeheartedly excepted your home as mine. And your family’s weirdness as normality. They are very funny, don’t be embarrassed. Your familyy is kind of epic. And I mean, you did throw your hairbrush in the dustbin. And when I asked you if you were drunk, you replied with just saying “Aloo.” 

Then again, I managed to get my chopsticks stuck behind your bed. And managed to remove the covers everytime I slept on your very comfortable bed. I also couldn’t open the bathroom door, and just stood in front of it whining. The door wasn’t even locked. I think I fit well in. 

Like on Monday, it was my first day in college. And the girl I had been crushing on- keyword HAD- we were talking. It was just so much easier to talk to her without the pressure for her to like me back. Conversation went smoothly, well as smooth as it goes for me. I realised she is not some sort of perfect human, she is very normal. A good normal, like enough abnormal to keep up conversation with me but normal enough to be… you know what, she is very abnormal. Complete weirdo. Anyway, I dressed well for the first day back to college and got a few compliments for it. Which honestly I don’t know how to accept properly, but I do really appreciate.

And I got locked out of my house, again. This is the third time since college started. Now I just chill outside the door, which is close enough to get wifi. So I was just mindlessly scrolling through tumblr, crying about various stuff. I cry about a lot of stuff not directly related to my life. 

When BTS’ comeback trailer came out, I kind of lost it. I was suppose to be completing my school project, but obviously that didn’t happen and instead I just rewatched RUN! BTS. And the funny part is, I am not even sorry. I feel like I should be, but i got no jams. Thankfully, the teacher didn’t take the project today and I am not the only lazy one in class. 

I was talking to a couple of friends at college, and it hit me. I am not really myself talking to them. Not saying I am not being myself, but I am not my truest self. I realised I am mostly that person, the person I am really happy around being myself, is you. 

See you soon. 

Upa. 

How to Realise

Dear Upa,
                 We haven't done this blog thing for a while, have we? We didn't have to, because you were in Delhi with me so we didn't feel the need to write to each other. But now you are back in Mumbai, so we must resume writing to each other to keep in touch because obviously, we have no other means of communication.

These past eight days were amazing. I realised several things.

I realised that sometimes, your family can embarrass you. Actually, scratch that, your family will inevitably embarrass you and you just have to deal with it. I realised that I have an extremely messed up sleeping pattern, and that I really, really hate waking up. I realised that museums can be very fun, even if you have no idea why half the things are so creepy, and that museums don't have the best lighting when it comes to taking selfies. I realised that I am really absent minded because I can accidentally throw my hairbrush into the dustbin. I realised that Geography can be irritating, shopping can be expensive and that cars make me sleepy. I realised that K-Dramas can be amazing and that Google+ isn't as bad as people say (almost). I also realised (for the millionth time) that I am horrible at parties, that making new people meet can be as awkward as meeting new people, and that I am inappropriately obsessed with candles.
I realised that whether it was singing K-Pop songs very loudly with completely wrong lyrics, or watching Kumamon videos at 4 AM or sitting on swings at 11 PM or even sitting next to each other on our own laptops on the internet, it's nearly impossible for me to be bored around you.
I realised that I've missed you and miss you much more than I thought I would.

I'll see you soon.
Bye for now,
Aditi.

How to Grow Up

Dear Aditi, 

   When I was younger, saying 3 or 4 years ago, I used to be brave. And I actually mean brave. The present me is still amazed that how that little girl, with a horrible fashion sense, really bad hair and a strong sense of justice managed to do it. That girl managed to stand up to her parents to let her go to camp, even after failing maths. Now my parents aren’t the strictest ones out there- but any indian parent would be very angry. But that girl didn’t seem to care, when she wanted something she would get it. The same one who didn’t let anyone stomp over her. That one who wasn’t scared of social situations, and in fact enjoyed it. Yeah, looking back at it that was the bravest thing I have done. Social gatherings. 

I am not that person any more. I have a much better fashion sense, and great hair. I have also managed to come to terms with the fact that the world isn’t fair, and we can bark about it; maybe even bite. But it won’t change. I used to think that if you deserve something, you will definitely get it. No, it doesn’t work that way. If you deserve something, the chances of it actually coming to without a fight are very slim. If you want something, you have to fight for it. You have to be self serving in this world in order to survive. 

When I was younger, I knew this. I just refused to believe it. The countless shows and books I read told me otherwise. But I have come to the terms with the fact that life isn’t fiction. We have moments, good ones which feel like something out of a fairytale and bad ones, those are the ones we stay wary of. 

So what I am trying to say is that I am no longer that brave girl that could probably be a protagonist in a novel. Instead, I have become the type of person in a story who always makes sense and yet everyone tends to look over their logic and go with what their heart wants. 

Does it upset me that I have lost some of that spark I used to have? A little. But I have never been happier, and right now  in this present I am my best self. I have become a person who doesn’t have as much pride, can hold a conversation and wants to try new things. 

With Love,

Upa. 

P.S. OH MY GOD! I AM COMING TOMORROW, and I can hug you. I really want to hug you. I like your hugs.  

How Not To Decorate Your Room

Dear Upa,
                For the first time in 16 years, I have a room all to myself, and it is very exciting. I've been planning how to decorate it since forever but the problem with a person like me, who thinks way too much but is lazy, is that I haven't really gotten around to doing any of it. Also, there are very noisy pigeons having a rave right outside my bedroom window. But still, just the fact that if I want to watch Game of Thrones at 5 am I don't have to make sure to not wake anyone else up, or that I don't have to worry about where I study when it's 3 am so I can turn on the light, or just the fact that I can stick whatever fandom pictures I want wherever I want and decorate the room whichever way I choose is comforting enough.
All I need to do now is actually do something.
In other news, YOU'RE COMING HERE DAY AFTER TOMORROW. I AM SO EXCITED.
Would you have ever imagined that we would literally travel across the country to meet each other a couple of years ago? I am so excited. I can't wait to sit on the internet all day. I mean I do that already, but sitting together on the internet all day has it's own charm. Did I mention that I'm excited?
I'll see you soon. Please start packing.

Bye for now,
Aditi.