Dear Upa,
I have so much to talk about that I don't know where to begin, but at the same time I don't really know what to say. Your last letter was beautiful. Thank you so, so much.
What you said about dwelling on fictional characters’ problems to forget our own is so true. But sometimes it just isn’t enough.
I've spent the last many weeks getting increasingly mad at what I've been handed. It started off with me just being sad at what's happening, but now I am straight up pissed off. You more than anyone are aware of how much I hate change. I wrote my boards, got a week and a half off and then had to join a different school again in a different city with a different board pattern with completely different kind of people. And somehow, miraculously, I managed to actually not mind it, largely because of a subject called Legal Studies. I've never shown more interest in a subject before, except maybe English. And now I have to give up that subject because I need to do Maths, and even worse, I'm writing an admission test for another school tomorrow because this school is being infuriatingly stubborn. I don't know if I have to go to that different school but I do know that too much change has happened and I am not happy about it.
However, believe it or not, I'm not writing this letter just to rant about how unfair everything is. Okay, maybe I am. But I am also writing it to try and help you, or anybody else reading this.
If you, like me, are a human being that has breathed on this planet for a reasonable amount of time, you have, at some point in your life, been pissed off at absolutely nothing. I say absolutely nothing, but we either blame it on our luck, or life, or God, or whatever else we believe in. But this is how life is right now, and this is what you and I have to deal with. Being angry or upset about it is going to change nothing, trust me. Because if it did, it would have definitely worked for me. But it doesn't.
Let's face it, life is absolutely unfair most of the time and that's just how it is. But the way I see it, dealing with it is what makes life what it is. Searching for a silver lining in a dark cloud may not be your idea of fun, but that's what living is. Happiness is a choice. I've always said that the world doesn't have the time to make you or me upset in particular so we should get up and deal with life.
And you're probably wondering why I'm telling you this stuff, and the truth is, I'm not really sure either. But whenever you're not exactly happy and are mad at life for being the way it is, and anime or fiction is just not enough, know that I really do know how that feels. Just come back and read this and know that things do get better, because you have the power to make them better. Besides, I’ll always be there if you ever want to boop my forehead. (I tried it on mumma. She laughed at me. You were right.)
So even if my luck is not the best at the moment, right now, I choose to be happy. I choose to concentrate on the better things, like the smile on my driver’s face when he was talking about his two little children and how happy they were with the traditional Rajasthani clothes my mom and I got them, or the little girl swinging happily on the chain fence outside my school, or the occasional flashbacks I had of my childhood as I walked down the well worn streets of Mayur Vihar, or how I’m going to see you and the others very very soon. I won’t keep searching for that silver lining, I’m going to turn this whole cloud silver.
Bye for now,
Aditi.
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