How Not To Make Friends

Dear Upa,

                Your post is way too relatable. I love YouTube. Other than the fact that you know, it has great video technology and can stream the most obscure, wonderful things in HD in the matter of a second (if your internet connection is good, that is), I also love how it connects people. Any one can just share a video of them eating cereal (looking at you, Charlieissocoollike) and someone across the world can watch it. It’s literally impossible to feel lonely. 

For example, one of our friends (the one you refer to as Evad) and I were talking on the phone, and he said that going to Delhi is good for me in the way that I have less distractions and can study, which is true, but then he waited a moment and said, “But then again, you have Dan and Phil wherever you go.”

And that’s true. I hate being lonely, I really do. I’m terrified of feeling alone, which is probably the biggest problem I faced when I shifted to Delhi initially (that and the moment I realised that Delhi won’t have Bombay Blues). So basically, I’m afraid of talking to new people, but I’m also afraid of having no one to talk to. I am an extremely flawed human being, as you may have realised. But Dan and Phil coupled with talking to you and the others made me feel not alone. The most important people in my life still made me happy. And that is brilliant.

Speaking of being alone, I learned something about myself. Two things, actually. Even though I hate being alone more than most things, I still won’t go out of my way to fit in. In my second CLAT class, we had to write a mock test which was really hard because we hadn’t learned anything yet, it was only so we could know where we stand. Most people hadn’t made friends yet, but they bonded over the next two hours exchanging answers and googling them and stuff. But I refused to join in or cheat. I realised doing what I think is morally right is more important to me than fitting in or getting marks in a test, and not fitting in TERRIFIES me. This could be a good thing or a bad thing. You could say that I’m no fun, which is probably true, but I think it’s a good thing. I’m proud of myself.

The second thing I learned is that my General Knowledge is horrible because I knew like one answer lol

I miss you so much.

Bye for now,

Aditi.