How to Not Be In Love

Dear Aditi,
   Life is moving so fast. I feel like I am rushing in everything I am doing. But then it moves too slow and I am wondering why am I doing what I am doing. What is the point of doing this? What is the meaning of life?
I don't know. And I try not to care. I don't want to care, because caring makes it real. But atleast I have a job now. Sort of.  Which I am scared for but also excited. So that's cool. And also tiring. Still cool though. 
I might, or might not be half dead while writing this. The reason is, probably because of that girl I talked about.
Who I am in love with.
Who I was in love with.
Who I thought I was in love with. 
Who I am probably not in love with.
Who I am trying desperately not to be in love with.
Yeah, it's hard. I think she doesn't know what love is, or atleast that is what I am telling myself to keep what little sanity i have going for me. But she probably doesn't know what love is.
Love you lots,
Upa.