How to Grow Up

Dear Aditi, 

   When I was younger, saying 3 or 4 years ago, I used to be brave. And I actually mean brave. The present me is still amazed that how that little girl, with a horrible fashion sense, really bad hair and a strong sense of justice managed to do it. That girl managed to stand up to her parents to let her go to camp, even after failing maths. Now my parents aren’t the strictest ones out there- but any indian parent would be very angry. But that girl didn’t seem to care, when she wanted something she would get it. The same one who didn’t let anyone stomp over her. That one who wasn’t scared of social situations, and in fact enjoyed it. Yeah, looking back at it that was the bravest thing I have done. Social gatherings. 

I am not that person any more. I have a much better fashion sense, and great hair. I have also managed to come to terms with the fact that the world isn’t fair, and we can bark about it; maybe even bite. But it won’t change. I used to think that if you deserve something, you will definitely get it. No, it doesn’t work that way. If you deserve something, the chances of it actually coming to without a fight are very slim. If you want something, you have to fight for it. You have to be self serving in this world in order to survive. 

When I was younger, I knew this. I just refused to believe it. The countless shows and books I read told me otherwise. But I have come to the terms with the fact that life isn’t fiction. We have moments, good ones which feel like something out of a fairytale and bad ones, those are the ones we stay wary of. 

So what I am trying to say is that I am no longer that brave girl that could probably be a protagonist in a novel. Instead, I have become the type of person in a story who always makes sense and yet everyone tends to look over their logic and go with what their heart wants. 

Does it upset me that I have lost some of that spark I used to have? A little. But I have never been happier, and right now  in this present I am my best self. I have become a person who doesn’t have as much pride, can hold a conversation and wants to try new things. 

With Love,

Upa. 

P.S. OH MY GOD! I AM COMING TOMORROW, and I can hug you. I really want to hug you. I like your hugs.