How To Be Zyaada

resilient

rɪˈzɪlɪənt

adjective

1.

(of a substance or object) able to recoil or spring back into shape after bending, stretching, or being compressed.

Dear Upa,

Life really sucks sometimes. 

I’m definitely not the most optimistic person out there and I’m definitely not the strongest, but I do try my best to not be sad about things. I mean, it’s not like I do it consciously, I just automatically start laughing at times when a normal person would cry, so I guess I’m physically incapable of being sad all the time. In fact, the only indication the people around me have when I’m not happy is that I’m not smiling, that’s how they know something’s up, because I’m kinda always smiling. It’s a little creepy when I come to think of it, actually.

But despite my socially unacceptable creepy behavior of smiling all the time, I have to agree that sometimes, no matter how you look at the situation, life sucks. So I try to tell myself to not be sad. 

The first thing I usually end up doing is telling myself how so many people around me have it way worse than I do, and how much stronger they are, but recently it’s stopped working. I mean, how is the fact that other people are even sadder than I am supposed to make me happy at all? I want my friends to be happy, I don’t want them to go through the sort of crap they go through, so how is the fact that they’re going through stuff worse than I am supposed to make me feel better? 

I try talking to friends about it, but then I just feel like a burden and that makes me sadder. Which is stupid and not fair, I know, but I really can’t help it. So my rants are limited to study-related panic attacks which I know are extremely annoying for you guys to deal with, but I mean being friends with me is worth it so it’s okay, I guess.

So then I indulge in something that takes my mind off sadness completely, (i.e. BTS) and that almost always works and I become incredibly happy, but once I stop doing BTS-related things I start becoming sad again.

And it sucks, being sad sucks. Why would I chose to be sad if I could just be happy? Emotions are dumb. Everything is dumb. I am dumb.

So then my last strategy is to simply refuse to be sad. Being sad is not an option. It’s a waste of precious time I could spend laughing over memes. 

As of one of our best friends (Aloo) had said when I had told her that a 98% cut-off is “thoda zyaada only”- “it is, but you’re more zyaada”. 

(“It’s a bit too much”. “It is, but so are you.”)

(I know, I’m totally a better translator than bing)

So, basically, I refuse to be sad, and I urge you to be happy, too. I will bend, but I will not break.

I will be resilient.

Bye for now,

Aditi.