how to happiness

dear aditi,

i think happiness is really fucking hard to get, one of the hardest to achieve really. and it gets worse when you want too much, but im not going to tell you to want less because i could never want less.
honestly i dont know why to not feel sad because sadness has always been a recurring theme in my life, not to say im depressed, like the psychological despressed cause i am really not. i studied that in class today, and when the teacher looked me in the eye i smirked at her. smirked. why did i do that. honestly i dont know, maybe it was because i thought she was talking shit and like all psychologist have this really narrow term for normal and anything outside that is abnormal. i have a total of four first cousins, out of which 2 have been medically treated for their different mental illnesses, and that has changed them as individuals i feel. so maybe that's my reason for being untrusting towards them. although i am a psychology student, so i plan to learn what it is before i talk shit about it completely. i had a point to all this. okay maybe i didnt. i never really have a point to anything. i just do what i have to do, and sometimes what i want to do. with age and experience, as god puts it, i have learnt two things. one all nighters are always a bad idea. and two, life will suck the happiness out of you and leave you an empty shell of a person, but then you know what, you can find new forms of happiness. like me. i am your happiness and you will be here soon. and i can hug you and smell you.
you know at this point i don't even care if im not your happiness, but you are mine and im going to be stuck to you for a long time.
love,
upa.