How To Make Them Proud

caim

"kyem" n. 

Sanctuary; an invisible circle of protection, drawn around the body with the hand to remind one of being safe and loved, even in the darkest times. 

Dear Upa,

I feel like I'm fairly good at looking after myself. 

I mean, I care about education, I can be reasonably responsible and I'm not completely stupid. I know I'm more independent than quite a few people my age and I don't let myself be sad or stressed about anything for more than a stipulated period of time. 

Okay, fine, there are a few things, like the fact that today I realised I hadn't eaten anything in 24 hours except iced tea or that I've managed 3 hours of sleep before 9 hours of classes, but taking a holistic view, I think I can do fine alone. 

But, if I'm honest, the reason I can proudly say that I'm reasonably independent is because of my parents. 

A lot of people I meet are often of the opinion that I'm childish or insane, and all I can say is that they've never met the ones who made me this way. 

My mother is ridiculous. She steals my things and starts cleaning my room everytime she enters it. She buys a worrying amount of saris every week. She's adopted half her office staff as her own children and she argues with my dog. My dad is completely insane. He cracks the worst jokes and says the most childish things that make me laugh loudly in public. He squeals when he sees cute animals and he makes me carry all the bags. 

But my mother is invincible. Honestly, I've never seen her upset or disheartened, except when it's related to her family. She's fierce, determined, and I don't know how a person like her exists, she's magic. My dad, I can safely say that I've never seen anyone kinder or braver than he is. His life has been ridiculously tough,  and he's still the same, laughing, lighthearted person he's always been, and even before I knew what the words "role model" meant, I knew my dad was mine. 

My awkwardness extends even to my parents, and so I don't tell them how much they mean to me nearly as much as I should. 

They're the ones who've seen me at my absolute worst, and they're the ones who are constantly worried about me (except Vandu, is she counted?). Just last week, before my units began, my dad came up to me and started massaging my head and shoulders, saying "Look, the stress that's here, it's leaving" and my mom said that if I want they'll take turns to sleep in the room I would study in so I wasn't alone. 

Moments like these, I realise that no matter how much they may annoy me, despite everything, they love me no matter what, and I don't say this out loud, but I love them and I always will. 

Obviously, it's not always rosy and happy. Like all parents, they embarrass me and say pointless and rude things, and like all kids, I can be rude to them as well. I've never been the sort to worship my parents out loud anyway, but if I'm honest, I owe them everything.

Sometimes I wonder why I want to do well in life. Yeah, obviously, money is important. But it's mainly for them. Sometimes I look at them and wonder how they do it, how they can be so good at what they do and how they can possibly make me any prouder, and yet they do it everyday. 

If, one day, I'm able to make my parents even a tiny bit as proud of me as I am of them, then all of this will be worth it. One day, somehow, I will make them proud. 

I feel like I'm fairly good at looking after myself, but to be honest, my parents are pretty damn amazing at it. 

Bye for now,

Aditi.