How to Be 18

enigma

ɪˈnɪɡmə/

noun

1. a person or thing that is mysterious or difficult to understand.

Dear Upa,

                   There are a few things about me. 

I always find it strangely hard to tell someone directly about how much I love them. I'm stubborn, proud, jealous, selfish, self-righteous and I genuinely don't care about a lot of people as much as they care about me. 

There are several things about you. 

For as long as I've known you, you've been an enigma. You claim I know you better than you know yourself, and maybe that's true, but honestly, I've never properly understood how someone like you even exists. 

You're unapologetically yourself but hesitant at the same time, fiercely loyal but mellow, full of surprises and yet completely predictable. 

A your hyung, I should be giving you advice on how to deal with the world once you're 18, because apparently being 18 is SRS BUSINESS, but I think you're doing pretty well, to be honest, and I don't know how you do it. You love with your entire being, I've never seen anyone so full of love. You're so pure, so smart, so brave, so smol.  

And I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of the person you are, the person you're becoming, I'm proud of how talented you are and I'm proud of being your friend. 

You're actually really freaking weird. You're also really dumb sometimes, and you pretend not to like my uncle jokes but I know you love them. You're so strange, but I don't think I have it in me to complain. 

I always find it strangely hard to tell someone directly about how much I love them, but with you, it's not that hard. I'm stubborn, proud, jealous, selfish, self-righteous and I genuinely don't care about a lot of people as much as they care about me. But you make me feel like I'm more than that. 

Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for making me happy. Thank you for letting me know you, and thank you for letting me become a better person just through the privilege of knowing you. 

I don't understand you, and I don't understand why I'm always so weak (in a good way) when it comes to you, but in the chaos of everything that happens to me, you make the most sense. 

Happy birthday. 

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Bye for now,

Aditi