how to climb

Dear Upa,

I’m five days late lmao, but better late than never, right??

So it’s been a while since I’ve done this, and I’d forgotten how it was to write about every little thing that happened to me. It feels good to have to write again, and I think it’s nice that I look back at my week and think about how it went.

Honestly, it’s a blur. With the two festivals coming up, everything is kind of crazy. I don’t think I even remember everything I have to do, and some things, (like studying), I’m wilfully forgetting.

It’s weird, though. Despite all the sudden influx of work, I’m not stressed or sad, which was kind of a default state last year, so hey! 2018 is already better! Suck it, 2017!

I think it’s because a while back, I realised that even if there are things I wish were better with my life right now (like the fact that I will never find love or that I don’t know how to be rich and successful yet and I can’t seem to stop referring to my invisalign as my teeth which is actually kind of funny so I don't know why I’m complaining lolol “I forgot my teeth at home”), all of this is actually a privilege. I remember scrolling through Quora and thinking in awe about being in this college and being burdened with studies and responsibilities, and that means that happiness is chaotic in the way that it, too, is a ladder you just keep climbing. 

I love the work I’m supposed to be doing cause it’s fun, but I also think it’s character development.  I’m trying to figure out the kind of worker I am, and I think it’s more along the lines of “lazy perfectionist” or something like that. I don’t believe in submitting crap, but my work process is chaotic at best. I also think I can communicate with people fairly well if I have formal business with them. At other times, however… like today at a movie screening, the girl I was sitting next to started crying halfway through the movie, and I panicked. In the beginning I think I subconsciously convinced myself that she just had a cold, but when I looked over, her friend (my enemy) sitting next to her was comforting her. So I just awkwardly rub her arm, a girl I’ve never seen before in my life, and asked her to drink water, which she didn’t want. And then I just kinda ignored her for the rest of the movie (which wasn’t long, thank god) and started thinking about the bts elevator prank (because of course I did) and before leaving, I told her “Take care, I hope your day gets better,” and she smiled at me and I don’t even know why she was crying in the first place I hope she didn’t kill someone cause that warrants a terrible day imo

Anyway, the point to this story is that Mandu asked me how I controlled my laughter because of my laughing-when-people-cry problem, and a few minutes later Gina asked if I laughed, and I realised that I’m a changed person now, who laughs only when the person is crying really funnily!

i’m going to hell

I also spent a looooot of time with dogs this week. Last week and the start of this week was shitty because Chess was so sick, but now he’s finally started eating a little. I think we chased him for 2 hours on Tuesday, and we also brought in Friendicoes three times to pick him up which they weren't able to do. Chess is my baby boy and seeing him in pain made my heart physically hurt, so he better get fine quickly. Did I tell you every dog at Friendicoes has been given a little bed and a little jacket of their own?? Even the really big ones??? And even the little ones??? AAAAA my heart I love dogs

I also love you and I hope you smile a lot today cause its a cute smile and I also love bts look at that it’s I love bts o clock g2g cry over my kids that I raised on my back ohmygod I love them okkkk bye

The only way to climb from here is up.

See you ladder

Bye for now, 

Aditi.