how to be born

Dear Upa,

Happy birthday. 

You're 19 now and it's been a decade since I've known you, so it would make sense for me to say that I know everything there is to know about you. But the thing is, I also know you long enough to know that with you, that's really not possible. 

You change faster than your hair does. One minute you're almost a stranger, another, you're the closest another human being can be with me both emotionally and, if I'm lucky, in real life. 

With you, nothing is boring. I wish I could somehow express to you how hard it is to be away from you, but I'm neither a good enough writer nor emoter. It's not that everything completely sucks without you- it's just that you somehow make everything so much better. It's like trying to compare life with absinthe to life before absinthe. Did I just call you absinthe?? Oh well, I know you long enough to know that you're flattered. 

You're the most comfortable adventure I've ever been on. Writing this is just making me miss you more, and now this is messy. 

I guess I'm just going to say that I'm not an easy person to love, but you still somehow do it. That's just how things always are with you; they seldom make sense. There's something about you that makes people love you. You're a pain in the butt and terrible at communication and there are so many things about you that make me mad lmao but a single word from you makes me forget everything, and makes my day instead. 

I'm so soft for you, it's a curse. 

Wow I can't even express how fond I am of you without jokingly being mean someone save me 

I'll try again

Basically, what I want to say is this- your existence alone is one of the happiest things that has ever happened to me. I love you so much, it's not even normal. I'm so lucky to love you. I know that things aren't easy right now, but the thing is, they never have been. You've spent 19 years of your life fighting, and it's been a decade since I've known you, and I know for a fact that you can do this. Thank you for being by my side, and know that I'm always going to be by yours. Even if you're sitting in Bangalore and I'm sitting in Delhi and who knows where we may sit in the future, my favourite place has always been the one next to you a decade ago. 

I'm so grateful. 

I love you. 

Bye for now,

Aditi.

ps. lol you're old too now fam 

pps. this whole thing was written before ur birthday sorry for being very no fun