How To Be In Trouble

Dear Upa,

                

                I literally have no life.

At least, I thought I didn’t. 

But recently, in English class, we did a chapter about a girl who’s so in love with this footballer and so suffocated with the circumstances of her own world that she escapes reality by fantasising about him. It’s a really creepy lesson (right up there with Ranga’s marriage).

She lies about having met the footballer and (spoiler alert) at the end of the lesson she goes to the arcade and imagines him there with her and the whole lesson basically turns into a fan fiction.

This is an actual part of the chapter where she’s imagining meeting him:

“His eyes are on the same level as your own. His nose is

freckled and turns upwards slightly, and when he smiles

he does so shyly, exposing teeth with gaps between. His

eyes are green, and when he looks straight at you they

seem to shimmer. They seem gentle, almost afraid.

Like a gazelle’s. And you look away. 

You let his eyes run over you a little.

And then you come back to find them, slightly breathless.”

See? Told you.

Anyway, the reason I’m talking about this lesson is because I’m worried. I’m worried because, sure, I found it really creepy as one should, but I also related to it. And that’s really scary.

The girl in the story feels suffocated in the real world and uses her imagination as a momentary escape.

When I think about my everyday life, 90% of the things make me happy is related in some way or another to BTS. It may be pathetic, but it’s true. And everything other than that is just sheer panic about studies and work, that I usually try my best to ignore because I don’t have time to panic and it’s a waste of mine and the people’s time. 

It would be a joke if I tried pretending that I don’t use BTS to escape reality, because I totally do. Even if it’s to zone out in Eco class. Thinking about them is like going to an instant happy place. That sounds a lot like addiction.

The only non-BTS thing that makes me happy is my friends, writing (when it’s not BTS) and Dan and Phil. 

I mean I haven’t reached the same level as the girl in the lesson (yet) but I’m pretty sure it’s not normal, and I find that a little bit scary.

But you know what’s scarier? I know it’s probably not good for me to ignore reality sometimes, but I’m not even going to try to fix it.

I guess its gon’ get me in trooubblllleeeee (ooh, ooh)~

I’m sorry I am like this. Who knew having no life could be so stressful?

Bye for now,

Aditi.