How to Go to Hell

Dear Upa,

This post was supposed to be up ages ago, but Google didn't let me log in because apparently I am "suspicious activity". I don't know why it would think that.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

A while ago, my friend and I along with our moms went to Bodhgaya for our history project field work.

Bodhgaya wouldn't be number one in the list of 'Top Ten Holiday Destinations', granted, but it really wasn't as bad as we excepted. I mean sure, it was so hot that I felt like my face was about to melt off and I had got less than 2 hours of sleep in 48 hours, but atleast I had my friend who I really really love being around and her mom, who was quite funny. 

But the highlight of the trip was when my mom met one of her childhood best friends, whom she had grown up with, after 25 years. It was pretty moving, even for an emotionally constipated person such as myself. She was a really sweet person, and they spoke like they met each other everyday. They knew each other for longer than we know each other, and I can't even imagine being away from you that long. I don't want to. 

She started crying when she saw her, honestly, I don't blame her. 

Other than that, I've also recently learned that I am an extremely jealous person. I mean, I always knew I was competitive, but now I know that I'm just downright jealous of other people doing well. 

I really wish it wasn't like that, but it is, and it's been that way ever since I was a kid. I remember once when I was like 3 or 4, I stopped talking to my best friend for a few hours just because she had won a prize at a birthday party and I hadn't. 

I like to think I'm more mature about it now, even though I mentally race with people while solving math sums and feel a strange satisfaction if I'm a sum ahead. 

Even now, if I consider someone my equal at something, I won't feel at peace till I am better than them. It's not like I want everyone to do badly, I do want people to do well, but I just want to do better. 

(which is really inconvenient actually, because usually I'm always less talented so I'm never at peace and always distressed)

This makes me a terrible person, I know. 

But maybe it doesn't. Nothing wrong with some healthy competition, right?

Right?

Damn, I'm going to hell. Oh well, atleast it won't be hotter than Bodhgaya. 

Bye for now,

Aditi.

PS- HAPPY 100TH POST!!!