How to Be Calm

happy

ˈhapi

adjective

feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.

Dear Upa,

                 For someone who’s exams start literally the day after tomorrow, I’m surprisingly calm. I guess it’s because I know that there was so much syllabus and such less time that no matter how much lesser I had procrastinated I would still be this screwed. And for some reason, there’s a strange, twisted sense of peace in that.

I’ve had a rough couple of days (weeks? months? idek at this point) and I thought it would affect me, but I think I made it through almost unscathed. I guess I’m just lucky. I’m not used to being this calm though, and I don’t know how long it’ll last, but I think I could get used to it.

That’s not to say I’m particularly happy. I don’t think I can be happy just yet. What is “happy”, anyway? I feel like it’s too abstract to convey in words, and that’s really weird. My goal in life is to be happy, and I’m not even sure what that is.

If happiness means being content, then I’m not happy. I’m happy that I have a goal, I’m happy that I’m working for it, and I’m happy that I know what will make me happy should I attain it. But I’ll only be truly happy when I’m satisfied with what I’ve achieved, and that’s not going to happen for some time now.

So I guess in an equally strange, twisted way, right now, I’m not stupid enough to be happy.

Bye for now,

Aditi.