How to Stress (Come On)

Nepenthe

(n.) something that can make you forget grief or suffering. 

Dear Upa, 

                 I'm so bad at stress. 

But, before you cue the roll of eyes accompanied with an equally exasperated "here we go again," let me elaborate. 

This year is exceptionally hard for everyone our age. Like everyone else, I get stressed all the time and it sucks. It's like I'm being pushed further and further to do better and to do more, and almost every single day is exhausting. Even if it isn't actually physically doing anything the mental stress is more than enough to cause a splitting headache, but here's the thing. 

When the stress is mine, I can deal with it. I can fix it (because my procrastination is usually the cause of it), and if that doesn't happen then I can just choose to not let it bother me. 

But when it's other people, that's when it really sucks. That I can't control, and sometimes nothing I will ever do is going to make it better. Of course, the fact that I'm literally across the country from more than half the people I love most in the world doesn't help much either, it's not like I can show up with cup cakes and the most non-awkward hug I can muster if I hear someone cry over the phone (I've done it before and I would do it again).

Don't get me wrong, sometimes it wears me down to hear problems after problems that other people are dealing with, because it just makes me sad. But I know I'd rather be weary of listening to problems than not listening to them at all and being oblivious to what they're going through. 

It's not just stress about the future, it's so many things together. Honestly, I'm surrounded by the strongest people to have ever existed, because the way I see everyone deal with their life just has me awestruck. I don't have half the problems they do, and I complain about things like back pain or being shouted at by people for doing better than them in tests. It's pathetic, lol. 

It stresses me out to see the people I love stressed, because I can't help them and I can't expect them to let me. That's why I got particularly emotional when I read what Kookie said about his hyungs, how seeing them sad makes him sad. It's so damn relatable. 

I trust them to be able to deal with their problems, because they are stronger than I will ever be. I wish I could make it better, and I do try. I wish they could see themselves the way I see them, and I wish they could know that they're the reason they're going to be okay. 

That life tries to knock them down over and over again, and here they are living, despite it all. 

I just wish they wouldn't take so much stress. 

Bye for now,

Aditi.