how to hold on

Dear Aditi, 

I spent this week moving two cities. Going from one college to another, and though they both share the same name, they couldn’t be more different. For starters, it’s the type of students. For a fashion college, Chennai really had a minority of students who put effort into their daily appearance but here in Bangalore it seems like appearance is number one priority. 

In many ways, Bangalore feels like AVM to me. It’s just the type of people are so judgemental and brutal- but after bitching about them for a good half an hour, they always end with but they are nice. As though calling them nice will just negate the fact that they don’t like them. AVM was exactly like this, and so is my college now. It’s not like I’m not used to such people, because even though it’s cut throat- they are nice. 

Then comes my introverted self, who needs to be away from people to like really relax. And that doesn’t happen when you live in a hostel and share all your time with other people. The only time I can really be alone is when I’m asleep. But being asleep means not being able to complete my assignments. And assignments for one is like the most important thing we have to live for. That and having a high rank. 

I’m not sure how I will manage the two of those, because it’s the first week and I’m already struggling to keep up with everything going around me. And there is so much drawing, like I love drawing but when you are forced to do anything you love it doesn’t remain fun anymore. 

But although this college is kicking me in the ass, it’s actually pretty nice. I mean, I do genuinely enjoy what I am studying and I want to pay attention in class. And the few people I have managed to make friends with seem endlessly fascinating. 

I’m also in one of the top fashion institutes in the country, and I feel like that in itself is a decent enough achievement, because after all this I have been told that atleast I won’t end up poor. I mean, I have gone astray from my dreams in life only because my family kept insisting how I won’t have a job after all this. And I listened to them and I am studying about textiles instead of animation, in a field I really don’t care much for. But I’m hanging on. I’m still here. 

Love, 

upa.